Hi! Please review my scholarship essay for case western .
Essay Topic (250 - 500 words): "No problem can be solved by the same consciousness that created it. We need to see the world anew." - Albert Einstein
Identify a problem in the world of science or engineering that can be solved by looking at the world anew. Describe your solution.
Please be as harsh as possible!
"Cut a cake into eight slices; however you have to make no more than three cuts.", asked my friend at the weekly brain teasers contest in school. At the first sight, most people will have trouble coming up with the answer. But to solve this, you need to change the way you look at the cake and cut it. One perfect solution is to cut the cake into two equal sizes and put the other half on top of the other. Cut it again in half, stack the other half pieces on top of one another and cut them again. This is thinking out of the box.
I am someone who always wishes for change, someone who thinks that life could be better than it is today. I believe that this change can be brought about only if there is a paradigm shift in our way of thinking. We need to cultivate the ability to have fresh alternatives, have new possibilities and formulate new approaches to accomplish various tasks. It is this attitude from which stems innovation.
In my junior year, I was selected to be a part of a mini-research project under the guidance of an eminent professor of physics. As part of the project, our task was to fabricate solid state batteries using conducting glasses. These batteries have proven to be more efficient in terms of storage and shelf life than those of traditional lithium ion batteries. By the end of my stint, I felt the urge to be involved in much bigger projects that focused on tackling today's problem of Global energy crisis.
To me the Energy sector is especially a dynamic field with palpable areas of research such as increasing the efficiency of solar panels or increasing the share of wind energy's contribution to the world's power output. Yet when I think deeply about it, there is another facet that I hear very little about. What about creating an infrastructure that supports solar and wind energy? Coal is piled up in silos, petroleum is stored in barrels, but solar or wind energy cannot be stored so simply. The increase in energy production will amount to little if we do not build technology to store it. Batteries are one option - but creating such humongous batteries is a sheer waste since the traditional Lithium-ion combo will prove inadequate and finding enough Lithium will be the biggest constraint. Here too we need to have feasible technology. I have read reams on this and believe liquid metal batteries to be the answer.
So how does this help humanity? Imagine a battery that is super efficient and super compact - that maybe the size of a refrigerator that powers an entire neighborhood. The metals being used in such a battery are the earth abundant kind and it would be maintenance free and with a lifespan of more than a decade.
When I observe an issue, I am not consumed by concern, rather I am motivated by new possibilities that can and must emerge. So when I hear the clamor of global warming I am not swayed by the soothsayers, instead I stand with the innovators and the believers of a brighter future. At Case western, I know I will find most of my answers as I seek solutions that redefine our way of looking at the world.
I'm good at being harsh, but I don't need to. This essay is fairly solid. You begin the essay with an intriguing, solid attention getter. You also share background information on how you have already begun working towards achieving your goals. After that, you get into the future.
The only thing I'm unsure about is whether or not you are seeing the world "anew". I'm not sure what that term is supposed to mean. Your battery idea probably works - I'm just not sure in full at what Case Western is getting at.
Other than a few minor errors with commas, the essay is good. To find some of those comma errors, just look at each sentence and determine if it might be a little lengthy and contain too many clauses.
Also, when you use however, it is typically of this form.
He did this; however, I did this.
Semicolon and then comma.