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General Science - Chevening application



bluecherry 1 / 1  
Sep 16, 2020   #1

Global Korea Scholarship - Personal statement



A two-page essay in Times New Roman, 11 font.
Guidelines:
-Motivations with which you apply for this program
-Family and educational background.
-Significant experiences you have had; risks you have taken and the achievements you have made, persons, and events that have a significant influence on you.

-Extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service activities, or work experience.
-If applicable, describe awards you have received, publications you have made, or skills you have acquired.
Your constructive criticism is duly needed to help make my essay a better one. Thank you.

General Science students are rumored to only be interested in becoming medical doctors, pharmacists, engineers, and directing their occupational and career goals to science-related fields solely, but it was different for me. As a general science student, I ended up being the vice president of the entrepreneurship club in my school. I fell in love with the whole idea of the passion that involves thinking outside the box, being resourceful, and also the optimism to take action. Teachers and students kept asking how it was even possible that I was voted in power as the vice president despite the fact that there were Business students who vied for that position. When most people thought I was probably not doing quite well as a general science student, I proved myself by winning a scholarship and joining the National Science and Mathematics Quiz team in my school. In addition, I participated in science fairs outside my school region as a representative of my school with other selected students after going through vigorous scrutinizing not because I was one of the best that was chosen but I was an above-average student who cherished my mistakes and did my utmost to stay organized in learning. I attended a few conferences and happened to witness how a project was planned and fairly a few steps that were involved when I was employed in a vehicle insurance company. Project Initiation that states the project goals, the statement of the importance of the project and the potential benefits are some of the basic steps involved in birthing a good business project. There is an enthusiastic and intriguing feeling that rolls from how a business idea is molded and brought to life. The economy of the Republic of Korea with the fourth-largest economy in Asia status and growing strong from being a war-shattered country is a great motivation to study business in the Republic of Korea to learn from and have a good feel of the originality and cleverness in execution in the South Korean business world. An alternative example is my former colleague, schoolmate, President, and friend whom I worked together within our entrepreneurship club. He started his own business as an event planner and the fact that he found and followed his path is what inspired me to find and follow mine in the world of Business. My satisfying sense of accomplishment whenever I complete a task is another inspiration to study business and I have full interest in learning the best business skillsets, such as knowing how to analyze problems by using and applying data. I first came across the Republic of Korea when I decided to do a voluntary work online to help foreigners correct their sentences in English and also solve any concerns they have with learning the language since I am well acquainted with the English language. I also helped a student who was writing a project concerning the Ghanaian culture. I did so on an App called Hello Talk where you can correct sentences and spelling errors and can also learn a language of interest until a year ago after researching South Korea's educational opportunities, I stumbled on the Global Korea Scholarship. I have ever since been moved by the News on Projects that the South Korean Government in Ghana has been doing which includes donations to support Ghana's COVID-19 response efforts with essential medical supplies, delivering Taekwondo goods to Ghana Taekwondo Association, and organizing events like the Korea Week Festival, a Korean Cultural event that helps to engage Ghanaians to know better about the Korean culture from their traditional dressing to indigenous Korean foods.

I have always been utterly careful to lead a good reputable life to be a model for my younger siblings. Regards to my family's situation with a low-income taking care of a family of five with three kids, I was not discouraged to take a halt in furthering my education and I saw the three-year gap I had as a very good opportunity to improve myself, find out what did not help my studies in high school and rectify all those academic set-backs. Education is a really big deal for my family and I and my parents have always had a desire for me to have a chance to further my education. My mother is a petty trader and my father is a Pastor. My parents are very supportive and they fire me up to pursue and survive in any field of study I want to venture and stand to also support my decision to study in Korea. As the club Vice president in my school previously, together with the club executives, we hosted school summits and invited entrepreneurs to share their experiences and encourage students to build their dreams at any stage of their journey. My executives and I took bold steps during school vacations to book appointments and visit the offices of some entrepreneurs and motivational speakers before any upcoming conference we organize. In 2016, I won an award in outstanding excellence for my years of dedication in serving the students in my school and the Entrepreneurship club members. After high school, I utilized the three-year gap I had in personal skill development and also gained work experience. I studied a course in Network Engineering in the field of Information Technology at Soul Food College, a free online course with Wesleyan University in Creative Writing, another online course in photography with Michigan State University and Yonsei University in the basics of Korean when I decided I wanted to study in Korea. I learned how to play the keyboard and the guitar which helps me to enjoy my singing hobby better by playing my own music. Furthermore, my uncle who is a software programmer taught me how to develop a website, and taking a creative writing class helped me to improve my long-time hobby in writing poems and currently motivated me to write a novel which I included a prologue in my application. Last year, I published two poetry books called Tranquility and Sprouts from within on Wattpad, a writing app for professional and upcoming writers. I also not long ago developed a desire for taking photos and wanted to do so properly after the satisfying effect of taking photos from my balcony gave me. I am very passionate about self-skill improvement which keeps my brain running and fore-warned if life should sway me into an opportunity that requires any of those skills. This brings me to why my employers were pleased with me when I worked as an editor and typist, where I was in charge of editing letters and correcting spelling and grammar errors at a graphic design and printing company and also as a secretary with a vehicle insurance company where I dealt with customer complaints, swift delivery of ordered packages and made sure business was running smoothly at a high standard and even though I was in charge of a small team I made sure I used my authority to improve work standards. I am currently working as a Junior High School Teacher teaching Social Studies and Basic Design and Technology and working in this field continuously improved my sense of taking responsibility. I am in charge of making sure I follow the appropriate work ethics to improve the academic life of my students and their moral and disciplinary sense as well. After three months of work, I was promoted to being a class teacher of Grade 7 (Form one) where I am expected to closely monitor them and make sure the class is always in good order.

I participated in the 2020 Study in Korea Online Education Fair that commenced from the 14th of July (Tuesday) to 27th July (Monday) which was later extended to the earliest parts of August for reasons possibly pertaining to people not having earlier access to the information concerning the fair, judging from the number of page views within the set date range on the Study in Korea website where the fair was held. It was during this fair I got to know more about the 75 participating universities, their facilities, academic structures, ranks, campus life, and the courses they offer. This greatly helped me to find the schools that offer the courses in my field of interest, if they are included in the school list if the Global Korea Scholarship Undergraduate applicants, and also how best their locations are going to improve my learning environment. My keen interest in studying business is also sparked from the fact that I would love to be an independent woman and financially reliable person not only in financially supporting my family but with the knowledge of good budgeting I am about to receive, I will be able to manage my family's finance and work efficiently as a businesswoman. Willingness to improve, good communication skills, awareness of expectation, knowing my weaknesses and strengths, setting high targets, and using a practical approach to solve problems are the traits I will channel into my learning process and greatly be able to overcome the challenges during my studies. My adequate contact with the South Korean culture will also enable me not to have a culture shock and want to ditch this great opportunity but persevere until the end of my studies. Although I might not look like the perfect candidate I would work hard as a student and also engage in the extracurricular activities to improve myself in any way that I can and enjoy my stay in whatever University I find myself in and never give up. I am open to opportunities in both South Korea and in Ghana after completing my five years of education including my one-year language program but will greatly love to contribute to some of the Ghana-South Korean projects to help strengthen the bilateral relationship between Ghana and South Korea as my contribution and appreciation for being a benefit of this bond between the two countries.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15385  
Sep 16, 2020   #2
Your paragraphs are trying to accomplish too much and actually not accomplishing anything in the presentation. Overall, you need to better focus your essay. Mixing the General Science and Business aspect of the discussion at the start tends to be really confusing and hard to follow for the reader. There are too many lines to read going forward in the reading, creating an uneven information presentation.

Based on the prompt requirements, it would do you well to first outline the important information you want to discuss then create a more cohesive and coherent presentation for each. Right now, your essay is quite wordy and not easily scanned for information. The GKS reviewer needs you to use less words but provide more information per paragraph. Do not be so wordy, just get direct to the point. Do not overuse the backstory concept, it holds back the essay from clearly representing your important information.
OP bluecherry 1 / 1  
Sep 16, 2020   #3
@Holt
Okay.Thank you very much.


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