The sky is the Limit - applying for Chevening scholarship, leadership question

Hello everyone ,

I would really appreciate your help with my answer for the leadership question. Opinions, advices & Grammar check for any unrecognized characters :)
thanks in advanced.

**********************************************

The sky is the Limit

I grew up in Middle East, due to my parents work, I lived in many countries through my youth. I never really understood the way the society judge women lives and dreams.

Since I was a young girl I always heard the same comments "why are you bothering your mind with these heavy readings, political articles" or " choose an Education that is suitable for you as a girl" or "don't push yourself hard" or " this job is not for women, you are qualified, but the job doesn't suit a woman ". it seemed that a young woman's life should be limited to being polite, nice looking, with good manners & a good level of education that means she can think and understand. The main point is, there is no place for ambitious.

This useless image for women role, the clear discrimination against them in education and work, all of that made it clear for me that something has to be done, our voice must be heard. i felt responsible to prove that whatever the obstacles women are facing , they still can rise above and succeed, they can build and improve their societies, they can be big part of the change every country needs.

By choosing to be an architect, I stood in the face of the common thinking (engineering is a tough field, not for girls, you will quit in a year or so), watching the managers I worked with through my career surprised by how well im doing, how fast I learn and my proven record of successful projects, all of that was a sign that im on the right track. When I applied to be PMP certified, the negative opinions and advices where surrounding me , that im wasting my time and money.. no need. Few months later I got certified.. some of my co-workers ( males and females) began to apply to the same course too. they were inspired maybe, or maybe just jealous.." if she can do it, why wouldn't I ?!" it doesn't matter really what was their reason to start taking the course, i was the first wave, i started.

Applying now for this scholarship is me.. making another wave, another start. Its not only for men to get better education and better opportunities ..we are half of the society, half of the world. We deserve to be given the chance to make the change, to build ,create and enhance our cultures ..i believe we can.. I believe I can make a difference..i can be effective..i believe that the sky is my limit.

Selwan, this is a personal statement, not a leadership and influencing essay. You need to pick up your revised essay from the point where you decided to become an architect. Think about how you had to prove your worthiness as a leader during a pivotal point in time during your early or recent past career. Make sure that you discuss your leadership in such a manner that your leadership traits (ability to direct your people, can work without supervision, etc.) are highlighted on the page. More importantly, tie in your leadership traits with examples of your ability to influence your subordinates or teammates.

Bear in mind that the leadership skill would greatly support the influencing portion of the essay if both traits can be connected in some way for the scholarship committee to consider. Normally, an essay for this topic focuses on a single leadership event and the development of the team work, rapport, or trust in the leadership of a person who was not previously a leader most often follows as it just falls into place within the essay. That is the influencing part that you need to discuss in connection to your leadership abilities.

This current essay is too much of a background essay that does not really respond to the leadership and influencing prompt of Chevening. It would be to your benefit if you wrote a totally new essay based upon my suggestions so that the prompt requirement will be better met by the new and more topic relevant essay you will be submitting.