If you are smart, you'll always be humble. NTU scholarship essay

Hi guys, I'm applying to ntu. Please give some comments to my essay. Kindly inform me if there is any grammar mistake. Thank you very much!

Describe, in less than 300 words, the values and beliefs you hold strongly to. Please provide examples of how you have demonstrated these in your actions.

be humble

If you are smart, you'll always be humble. You can learn all you want, there'll always be somebody who's never read a book who'll know twice what you know.

-David Duchovny
I don't judge people by their appearance, economic status or education background. I always want to get to know all the people I have met in my life as everyone has good values I need to learn. I would try to interact with all my classmate in my primary and secondary school. Humility makes me blend into the community easily. I will not look down people who do not study well as talent cannot be defined by exam. Different people may be an expert in various field like arts or sport. It is impossible for me to learn all the knowledge but I can learn as much as I can if I humble myself to ask for help. When I was doing my part time job, I had learnt all the things from my junior who always helped out in the book shop.

I was the vice-president of Chinese Orchestra Society in my secondary school. I will listen to the advice and suggestion given by the members and advisor. Besides, I will swallow my pride and dare to admit when I did something wrong. Therefore, I got along well with the committee and always completed our task in time.

People will forgive your shortcomings easily if you treat them well. I always treat others well. I will not lose my temper easily when there is a conflict with my friends. Treat others as you wish to be treated, our life will be better if we put ourselves in others shoes.

@ellyyee

Hi Elly,

It is good that you provide example of your humble actions. However, you can be more direct in stating the belief(s) / value(s) and the reason(s) why it is special for you. The beginning can be written like, for example: I believe that it is not necessary to fight and defend something that might break harmony in a group. Human is social beings and always will need assistance of others so rather than being stubborn and refused other opinion, it is better to be flexible and keep the solidarity by standing on common ground.

I hope this helps.

@Streetwalker
If your first paragraph are the words of a scholar "David Duchovny", I will suggest you put it in a quoted format. like saying in the words of David Duchovny, "If you are smart, you'll always be humble. You can learn all you want, there'll always be somebody who's never read a book who'll know twice what you know."

Another observation ''I will not look down people". It should be "I will not look down on people. In this aspect, I will suggest your give your essay to friends or whoever your trust his/her academic strength to proofread in order to spot and fix errors.

Yee, don't open an essay about a personal belief system with a quote from an actor or other person, regardless of his name recall among the population. This is not about what he said and how it applies to you. This is all about you. The words of David Duchovy do not help to introduce you to the reviewer. Specially since the essay that you wrote is confusing and difficult to understand due to the changing and inconsistent presentation of timelines through the tense usage.

The best way to approach this essay is to use the anecdotal format. By telling a story that reveals the values and beliefs that you hold strong and true to yourself, you will be able to address the prompt in an interesting manner. The value system and belief becomes evident to the reviewer even if you do not spell it out for him. You can just mention the values and beliefs specifically, if you want to, at the end of the essay. Just remember that the narrative needs to have a lesson taught at the end in relation to your values and beliefs.

@Holt
@Knockout
@Streetwalker
Thank you for your valuable comments. I have tried to revise my essay. Here's the essay.

"Can you teach me the steps for stock taking?" I asked my junior. "Of course. Let's have a look at the storage before we start the stock take." replied my junior. I was working part time in my school's bookstore, I had many to learn from my junior who has been helping out there for some time. Most of them were retained student, but there were the one who taught me a lot.

I don't judge people by their appearance, economic status or education background. I always try to get to know all the people I have met in my life as everyone has good values that I need to learn. I will try to interact with all my classmates in my primary and secondary school. Humility helps me to blend into the community easily. I will not look down on people who do not study well as talents cannot be determined by examinations. Those whose academic results are mediocre may be an expert in other fields like arts or sports. It is impossible for me to learn all the knowledge but I can learn as much as I can if I humble myself to learn from others.

For example, I was the vice-president of Chinese Orchestra Society in my secondary school. I would accept the advice and suggestions given by my members and advisors. Besides, I would swallow my pride and dare to admit my wrongdoings. Therefore, I got along well with the committee members and always completed our task in time.

Staying humble helps me to treat others well. People will easily forgive your shortcomings if you forgive theirs and treat them well. I will always be humble in order to improve myself and become better.

@ellyyee
U are smart and have the abilities to future ur studies in ntu, I feel that ur essay is awesome and great. Keep going on hui yee. We all love u and support u as much as possible. Muackzz😘😘

Ur beloved boyfriend

Yee, your anecdote doesn't work well with the essay because there is no clear event that portrays your belief or value system. It is a story that suddenly ends. There is no meaning to the story as it applies to the succeeding parts of your essay. Another way that you can write this essay is simply by being brief and direct to the point. Just explain why you value being humble and as for your belief, say that by being humble, you have found that you can have a positive effect on people's lives. Then try to portray an event that will portray how your values and beliefs have helped to improve the life or situation of another person. That should more than represent your essay in a unique and believable manner.