I am applying for the Norwegian course for beginner in the International Summer School (ISS), UiO, Norway. The following is my Statement of Purpose, it is required to have under 500 words. I really need someone review it for me, especially about the content and vocab. Please at least leave a brief comment after reading it. Thank you in advance!
"I can speak five languages."- my American friend said to my surprise. Since then, her short statement became my biggest motivation for learning more and more foreign languages. In applying for the Intensive Elementary Norwegian course in the International Summer School at the University of Oslo, I am very excited to know that I stand a chance of adding into my list one more beautiful language that has not been taught anywhere in Vietnam.
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That short statement is not really enough motivation for wanting to learn more. It is weak and does not really create a hook that will keep the admissions officer interest in reading your essay. It is not really the kind of opening statement that will immediately pull in the reader because it offers a glimpse of the discussion that is to follow. Instead of simply saying that someone who spoke 5 languages inspired you to study languages, try to connect that desire for more language learning to something more important that is not somewhat self serving / selfish in nature. I suggest that you discuss your interest in languages in relation to your career as an international lawyer. Explaining how being a linguist is vital for your career progression and will assist you in dealing with the multilingual roster of clients that you are sure to have to defend or prosecute in the future. Consider this essay as more than just a run down of your academic background. That does not really offer any explanation as to how this type of study will benefit you in the future. So concentrate on looking forward and the objectives that you hope to achieve career wise once you have completed the course.
Thanks a bunch for your advice!
Hi Vangiespen! I bet I have to bother you again.
The following is another SoP that I re-write based on your suggestion. Would you please help me review it one more time asap? Thanks alot!!!
"I do not think it is a good idea. You should spend your summer in the library with mountains of books of Law, instead of learning a new language." That was exactly how my best friend grumbled to me when I told her that I was applying for the Intensive Elementary Norwegian course in the International Summer School.
At a glance, Law seems so irrelevant to Linguistics that Faculty of Law in several Vietnamese universities do not include any language subject in their syllabi. However, I still strongly believe that besides crucial knowledge of Law, another indispensable quality of a prospective international lawyer is multilingual skill. Not to mention the advantage in dealing with foreign clients that I will defend or prosecute as a future lawyer, languages have already been a great supportive tool in my current studying. My paper about the difference between Common Law and Civil Law was highly complimented since I utilized effectively my English and Chinese skills as searching tools for specific law cases in different countries. Though sometimes, language still reveals to be a great barrier when I tried digging deeper for further information about a court in Norway which my professor mentioned as an example for Scandinavian Law system. Learning language is like a long journey and in my circumstance, Norwegian is definitely my next destination. Unfortunately, learning this language in my home country requires learners 'great effort due to the shortage of language institution and self-studying material. In applying for the course, I hope to find a distinguished academic environment where I can easily take my first steps in learning Norwegian with experienced professors of linguistics and modern studying equipment.
Nevertheless, I would not have desired that much for attending the summer school if it not been for the international environment that the program offers. In nowhere but the University of Oslo shall a little girl like me study and live under one roof with sisters and brothers from all around the world, hands in hands dancing in the melody of Norwegian folk songs, together playing sports, going picnics, discovering sightseeing to learn more and love more each other's unique cultural background. Those will be experiences that I would never get by sitting all days and reading heavy books of Law.
I am particularly looking forward to a meaningful summer in the heart of Norway. As a give-and-take rule, in earning treasured knowledge and expanding my network, I promise to contribute the beauty of my country's distinctive traditional culture to the international community of the ISS. With strong will and high studying spirit of an enthusiastic Vietnamese youth, I am certain to say that I will be able to overcome all difficulty in my studying process at the course and reach the destination of succeed in the near future.
This is an excellent revision, but it can still use some work. I hope you won't mind some additional advice coming from me. I feel that since you are looking at a future in International Law, your essay should present some information about the ultimate goal of most international lawyers. That is, to work for the international Court of Justice. Working at those hallowed halls of justice truly calls upon a need to speak at least 4 languages fluently. I know this might sound cheesy but you can refer to Amal Alamoudin Clooney's biography as a lawyer as inspiration for your personal statement. Keep in mind that you already have Chinese and English as part of your language arsenal. Look into the countries that have the most represented cases in the court of justice and use those as a part of your statement. Explain that you have a desire to be a lawyer who connects on an emotional level with your foreign language client and the only way to achieve that is by speaking their language. Present situations wherein the needs for multilingual support in the IOJ will be not only handy, but required when prosecuting or defending your cases. Create a personal connection between your desire to learn new languages and its connection with your career objectives.
Thank you so much for your suggestion.
I did mention those kind of information in my statement, but there wasn't enough space so I had to get rid of it. I will think of some other ways to add it into my essay again.
Besides, I am writing a short paragraph about my need for financial aid. But my situation is not specially poor, it's just I cannot afford for the course without support. Then, how should I write about my need persuasively?
Can you show me the original version of this essay? The long version that includes all the parts that you deleted? We might be able to work on it to come down to the proper word count while presenting as much relevant information as possible for your application. Sometimes, when you strive to keep within the word count before you have even tried to present all of the necessary information, you end up having an essay that becomes difficult to edit. By starting out long and working your way down, you give yourself a chance to edit the essay while keeping the bits and pieces of information that you feel are highly important and can enhance your chances of acceptance. That is what I would like to try to do with you now. As for your financial aid application, please post what you have written up till this moment in a separate thread so that we can review it for you and offer relevant advice for you to consider.
So sad I don't keep my draft of the full version. I will write that part again and post it asap, of course based on your advice. So much thanks for your enthusiasm!!!
Here is my financial aid application:
"I am writing this to indicate my need for financial aid. My home country is Vietnam, a developing country with very weak currency in comparison to Norway's. My parent's monthly income is equal to 4000 NOK. It has always been a burden for them to cover not only everyday expenditure of the whole four-member family, but also the huge tuition fee of my twelve-year-old brother. I tried to help my parents by doing part-time job as a tutor with a salary equal to 250 NOK per month. However, it is not enough for my daily expenses, let alone my university tuition fee of 1450 NOK every semester. In trying to live within my parents' income, my family merely has any saving for extra activities. When I told my parents about my wish of attending the ISS, they were very happy with my willingness of studying, but also worried about the deficient budgetary. Therefore, this full scholarship is the only ticket for me to enroll in the ISS. If my situation can be considered for the financial aid, I promise to use this source productively as an invaluable gift to pursue my dream."
I already used up every narrow space in the application with this short paragraph.