Hello. This is a essay that I am turning regarding a scholarship about sports. I was hoping that, under trained eyes, it could be reviewed and the flaws within it could be mentioned. Thank you.
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What does basketball mean for me? A mere kids game, or something more? I believe in the latter. In ninth grade, there was nothing like the feeling of racing through basketball court's, donning jersey's and feeling the euphoric satisfaction from scoring. But on top of the fun, basketball gave me a combination of values that, after taking time to discover, helped improve my character. They consist of persistence, rebounding from failure, and setting realistic goals. I learned these lessons not from the heat of a championship game, but from the humble practices at a small elementary school.
During practice one evening I came to the school prepared to play. I was quiet, yet motivated and a slight perfectionist. Although my coach was remarkably influential. He helped me form one of my biggest life principles that night during a pick and shoot drill. While waiting in line I noticed my teammates executing their jump shot with proper form. With me wanting to impress the coach, I took my turn by running hard behind my pick and then firing the ball at the basket. My shoes slid, resulting in the ball flinging off the backboard. I looked at the failed shot in disgust while my teammates teased me. Coach smiled also, but not mockingly like the others. He applauded, saying that what I did was good and that he liked to hear "sneakers squeaking." I was surprised by his positive reaction, and I thought about the meaning behind it. Because of my perfectionist attitude, I believed that I needed to excel every minute, but this is not realistic. Instead of being overwhelmingly disappointed in myself, it would be better to analyze why I failed, even with a humorous approach. I would instead dissect it and find area's that I need to strengthen. I embraced this attitude in school, where I look for ways to better my studying if I don't receive a desired test score. And even though I have yet to experience the rigor of life's challenges, I enter obstacles with persistence. Basketball has made this experience possible for me as it gave birth to my desire to solve problems with tact and patience. It has helped sharpen my character as I look at challenges in the work place, look for details, and solve them.
They consist of persistence, rebounding from failure, and setting realistic goals.
This is not a parallel sentence. You have two gerunds and then a pure noun.
Although my coach was remarkably influential. He helped me form one of my biggest life principles that night during a pick and shoot drill.
You need a comma after influential and a lower case "he"
A mere kid' s game, or something more?
...racing through basketball courts , donning jerseys and feeling the euphoric satisfaction from scoring. ...
Hey, this would be a good theme for the essay: rebounding from failure
That is a cool use of the word rebound... resilience with a basketball theme.
This is really thoughtful and nice. I think that long paragraph needs to be divided into a few smaller ones, though.
Do they want you to use this title, What does it mean to me?" ... I think that seems really cliched and cheesy. If you are allowed to express it in different word, you should probably do so. "What it means to me" seems like a little kid essay. :-)
