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Personal Statement For KGSP. I need a help from who can help and review it. Tell me any editings.



Weheash 1 / 1  
Sep 28, 2017   #1
Hi there,
I am applying for The Korean Government Scholarship for Undergraduate(KGSP) and This is my personal statement. I wish someone help me as soon as possible as the deadline is Oct. 2

My motivations for the KGSP



To do something in life, we need motivation, and the more powerful our motivations are, the better our outcome will be. My motivations for the KGSP are so powerful. There are many reasons that motivate me to apply for this scholarship such as the relationship between my field of study and South Korea. Studying Computer Sciences & Engineering in South Korea is an exceptional experience and the reason behind this is the technological advancement which is built most on computer. This will be an advantage for me as I will be able to see the most pioneering companies and experts in this field. I will be able to take companies such as Facebook, Nividia, Hyundai and many others as role models to learn how they achieved their progress and how I will make my own touch and add something to them.

Also, I will be capable of applying what I learn inside the university and outside through having internships in those companies. One of the best advantages of this scholarship is that I will be learning most recent updated and discovered information in the field of technology so that I can compete with the best students in the world whether in the research field or working field. On the other hand, personally, South Korea and east Asian countries are distinguished by the fabulous nature. This will be so effective in my studies as , for me, living in an environment like this helps me achieve the highest degrees of inner peace and mental relaxation so that I can work harder with more concentration and excellence.

My passion for Technology and computer did not come from nowhere. My brother Bassel was the first one to give me the passion and desire for this field since he became an undergraduate student at the faculty of computer science till now. This helped me to know how much this major is so important and needed in the world whether currently or in the future. I also knew that this is the field where I should be and spend my life. Not only my brother who supported me, but also my mother. She is a great support and assistance in my life and my decisions. She always encourages me from the beginning of my life till this moment. I learned from her many great morals but one of the most important ones is being ambitious as she always wants me to get the highest marks. Because of this, I could be ranked the 10th place at the preparatory school and among top 10% students at the high school. I could achieve a score of 401.5 in the last year to be the 7th place in Maths Section which qualified me to enter the faculty of Engineering which is the first step towards my goals.

All of my family supports me as much as they can so I consider this scholarship as a chance to make it up to them all and to make them proud of me especially after my father has lost his business and facing some financial problems.

My success and excellence was not only in the academic field. I could also make great achievements for myself and for my school in sport. I was the 1st place in Gharbya governorate and the 9th place in the country for 2 following years at the national Table Tennis Championship for secondary schools. I was awarded certificates of appreciation from the principal of the school to indicate my role in honoring my school. This experience had a great effect on my personality as I learned many skills such as teamwork, leadership, being balanced and time management. After 3 years of playing table tennis at the school and at a local club, I joined my first voluntary work at Life Makers charitable organization. Recently, I have initiated and founded my English Conversation Club for teaching and practicing English for Free after 1 year of voluntary work and a 3-month English teaching Internship at English Capsules Community. It has been working for 2 month but I am learning so much from it as I have full responsibility of it and of preparing the curriculum, creating new activities, guiding them, looking for the best teaching methods and developing myself as much as possible to make it so effective and useful for them and me. Also, one of my latest activities is joining AIESEC as an oGV member (Outgoing Global Volunteering).

I would like to end up my personal statement by talking about the most person that inspired me, gave me the passion for science and had a great part in forming the personality that I have now. On 26th of September 2016, I attended my first event about the scholarships. The last speaker was Ahmed Soliman. He is a Ph.D student at Caltech University and research assistant NASA GBL Lab. He is one of the most exceptional, outstanding, hardworking and ambitious persons I have ever met. He started telling us his story and how he succeeded in getting accepted for a scholarship at 4 top universities in the world; Caltech, MIT, Stanford and Berkeley after he was refused from all of them 4 years before. After being rejected, he did not give up and kept working harder until he could do 12 researches. After I heard his story, I knew the real meaning of science and how can science and knowledge put someone in the highest positions among people. I learned the meaning of determination and never give up, no matter happens. I learned the meaning of devotion for the sake of the path you have taken. I learned how ambitions can take you further than you expect if it is accompanied by hard working and defined plan to achieve your goals. I learned that I will reach my goal some day and will have my chance in life that I will be sure to make the best use of it to fulfil my goals and ambitions. I hope that I can have this chance at The Korean Government Scholarship Program.

damilola 1 / 2  
Sep 29, 2017   #2
nice write up but on the second to the last paragraph... it's supposed to be my success and excellence are not only in the academic......
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15384  
Sep 30, 2017   #3
Ashraf, your motivation for studying Computer Science is weak. The first thing that you have to do is show that your motivation is because you are a forward thinker who hopes to make a difference in the computer industry of your home country. Talk about your dreams for yourself and your country in this part. Those are the 2 most important motivations that one can discuss. The reasons that you were motivated to try and study in Korea is alright but minimal in relevance.

The inspirational story of your brother inspiring you to enroll in a Computer Science course is an excellent touch. However, you need to indicate if he is an older brother, what year he is already in, and give examples of how he inspired and influenced your decision. Don't tell us, show us how he did it. If he is such a strong influencing factor in your life, then surely he has touched your life and inspired you in more ways than one.

Separate your family background in the paragraphs. Make a thorough representation of your parents, include your father in the discussion. If you not a complete family unit, then explain why that is so (divorced parent, deceased parent, etc.). Talk about their roots and where those roots have taken you as of today. More importantly, give examples of the life lessons your parents taught you and how you apply it to your daily life.

When you present your non-academic achievements, don't forget to inform the reviewer about what sport you are participating in. In fact, you should introduce the development of your interest in the sport (summarized form) if that is an extra curricular participation that you truly excel at.

You need to group your discussion paragraphs into relevant and related content. The inspiration of your brother and the inspiration of Dr. Soliman must be done in 2 successive paragraphs. Separate your motivation from the discussion about your mother. Another separate paragraph should refer only to your academic achievements alone. You should know where and how to best place the paragraphs within the essay for maximum effect. It needs to be cohesive in presentation.


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