This is my personal statement to apply for a master in uk, I am a dentist and I wrote about my experience and my motivation to be accepted in the university. I hope you can help me, English is not my native language, thank you help in the editorial and opinion of the content, thank you.
Applying to MSc Fixed and Removable Prosthodontics (Dental Specialties)
From a very young age, always my parents told me, you can achieve everything that you propose, no matter what the challenge, nothing is impossible and dreams can come true; With work, passion and dedication. My dream is to make others smile, that their expressions are not hampered by the shame of not having dental pieces, that can be developed naturally; Do daily activities without problems: like singing, talking, laughing, kissing, eating; Without fear, pain or worry.
This passion I have applied throughout my personal and academic life. In attending the third year of dentistry, I began attending voluntary work during vacations, where I provided dental care in cities in Chile with difficult access to dental care; I went to Chiloé an island to the south. Over the years I began helping as a student of dentistry, I was in charge of peer groups to implement the relief work. I assisted for 3 years to Chiloé, Parral, Diego de Almagro and to camps within the central region of the country.
During my years of study I gave lectures in schools as a vocational guide, helped children in their last year to choose their studies in the future, advised them by my experience in the health sector, as a student of dentistry.
I attended as an assistant professor of the integral adult clinic, 4 years of dentistry, Andrés Bello University, helped and guided my colleagues in the implementation of dental practice programs. Also give talks to schools to children of 8 years, about hygiene and dental care.
At the end of my dental career, carry out the research: Comparative analysis of the clinical protocol etching technique operative in two steps sclerotic dentin of bovine teeth. Which was published in XXVI Annual meeting of the IADR Chile Division, which is in continuation of the investigation processes.
Currently in my work at the Integramedica dental center, part of Bupa, I provide dental care as a specialist in adult cosmetic dentistry, with the collaboration of all dental specialties to provide comprehensive treatments for my patients. I participate actively in dental activities, courses, talks, social networks with dentists from all over the world, sharing experiences to improve our profession every day. My desire to study the MSc Fixed and Removable Prosthodontics at the University of Manchester is based on the opportunity given by the Chilean government to grant scholarships to study abroad to improve the professional quality of the country, I will postulate the year 2017. I chose This master's degree in dentistry at the University of Manchester, is located at number 34 of the QS World University ranking of dentistry 2016, the University of Manchester is renowned for its quality, prestige, diversity of cultures, excellent teaching and research And is consistently ranked in the highest ranking worldwide. This master will grant me better academic tools to fulfill my desire to make the Chilean population smile; Currently in my country 70% of people do not have dental coverage, access to specialist care is scarce. To obtain quality and timely care, the best option now is privately, but not everyone has access to this type of care, which has a high economic cost. Dental care in the public domain is deficient, specialists are missing to supply the country's need. I want to contribute to improving Chilean health, making dental health a right that everyone can access.
I am grateful for the possibility of postulating.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,686 4759
Paulina, you accidentally lengthened your personal statement by including information that actually needs to be located in your statement of purpose instead. So all you have to do to make the statement more of a personal statement than a statement of purpose is remove paragraphs 2, 3, and the beginning sentences of paragraph 4. . These are the information that deals with your work experience, research work, and academic training to a certain degree. All of those information should be provided in your statement of purpose as part of the chronological development of your career.
In actuality, your essay, using paragraph 1 and adding the part of paragraph 4 that deals with "My desire to study..." shall be more than an adequate response to the information required in a personal statement. In a personal statement, you just have to declare your inspiration for higher study on a personal platform. So combining the encouraging words of your parents plus the opportunity to study your MS thanks to government support are more than enough reasons to deliver the personal interest on your part in pursuing higher studies.
You don't have to write a new essay. You just have to edit and revise what you have now. You don't even have to add additional information if you don't have any related and relevant information to add. The essay response will work to your benefit in the new format I am suggesting.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,686 4759
Paulina, the essay is good. However, it can still be better provided we can make some successful adjustments to the content. I think that there is only one more part of the essay that needs to be edited for content in order to make it more personal and less academic in the nature of response development. You have to remove the portion of your second paragraph that describes the university you have chosen to attend your classes in. While you can mention the university and the year that you hope to attend, you should not waste your word count nor steal the attention of the reviewer away from your personal intentions for enrolling. So the sentences that refer to the ranking of the university, along with the reasons why the university is renowned world wide is not a necessary part of this response essay.
Once you omit the mention of the university, you can focus more on the facts and figures about dental care in your country that has led you to pursue higher education in an effort to improve the dental situation of your countrymen. This is too important in a personal statement. Strive to always keep the focus of the statement on you. If you can present any university related information in a personal manner, then go ahead and do so. Mention some dentistry programs that you feel can better train you as a dental practitioner. Don't waste the reviewers time presenting information about the university that is so generic, it could have come off a simple Google search.