Strive for your goal ! : Self-introduction for KGSP

KGSP for Master's degree in Korea

Hello, I'm planning apply for KGSP for Master's degree at Korea. I don't know whether what I wrote for self-introduction part is good or not. I have revised and read so many times, but I am still not confident about my essay. Therefore, I think it would be great if you can suggest me where to go, the topic I should include or exclude, and does I write out of topic or not.

Thank you in advance :)

o Your course of life, your view of life, study background, your hopes & wishes, etc
o Your education and work experience, etc., in relation to the KGSP program
o Your motivations for applying for this program
o Reason for study in Korea

To simply explain about myself, I graduated from Finance major and Chinese Minor. My interest and passion toward business began since I was in high school. I started doing my own small business via online. Therefore, I decided to continue my interest by choosing Bachelor's degree of business administration with "Finance major". From my point of view, majoring in finance could provide me the fundamental business knowledge that is mostly needed in every kind of business.

I do believe in the quote "Where there is a will, there is a way". Success is neither from luck nor what you have from the very beginning, but it does come from "one's will". This is what my parents have taught me since I was a child, and it has become the quote that I have always kept in mind. The moment that marked my life is the time I was about to have an entrance examination. My ideal university requires advanced English skill. However, I would truly say that I'm not good at English, but I do believe in the quote and what my parents have taught and take it into the action. One day my dream finally comes true, I passed an entrance examination, which was TOEFL550. Whenever I think of this achievement, I always feel proud of myself. Moreover, I can be the inspiration for my high school juniors who also were not good at English to try hard to achieve their goals.

During my undergraduate life, I have dedicated my best toward not only in studying but also in participating extracurricular activities. I have been finally acknowledged as an honor student, and I also keep in mind that studying in the class is not enough toward my real-life. I attended volunteer club, value investment club, multicultural club and being the committee for some university's activities. For volunteer club's activity, I attended fundraising activity, which aimed to raise the fund for the school in the rural area that needed help. The activity taught me to understand more about the happiness from being the "Giver". Being the member of value investment club allowed me to understand more about the investment, and I got the opportunity to do stock simulation. I did see clearer picture about the global economy and investment world. Moreover, I had an opportunity to have an internship at Bank of China (Thai) Public Company Limited, in corporate business department. My main responsibility is to prepare the financial information and analyze clients' current financial status for the credit approval. From this valuable experience, I got to be closer with finance world, and it inspires me to build my goal about working in the bank of Thailand or Korean company as financial analysis.

Right after my bachelor's degree graduation, I went to China alone for language course. I always keep in mind about the importance of language which could turn me to have stronger personal competitive advantage. This made me know that I am a quick and active learner. Going to read book at library with my foreign friends became my everyday's routine during my life in China. I have made friends who come from different countries, but what amazing was we used the same language to communicate which was Chinese. No matter how diverse we are in terms of language, personality, and preference, but we can adapt to each other. Throughout my attempt, I can finally achieve the Chinese proficiency test (HSK) with a satisfactory test result.

Now the question arises to "Why Korea for master's degree?" My interest about Korea has never decreased since high school. Korea is always still in my mind. I have questioned myself so several time about what lies behind Korea's great success in terms of fast growing economy, technological development, and global top ranking education institutes. How come the country could still maintain this economic growth and become one of most affluent countries in Asia. All of these have motivated me to interest more about Korea and decide to apply for KGSP program. Additionally, the reason why I choose Yonsei university for master's degree is because the university provides excellent global programs for international students in terms of international studies. I have also been motivated by seniors who studied there, and they guaranteed me about what I will get from here which could benefit my future career path. I have read the university's mission, "Yonsei University's Graduate School of International Studies (GSIS) has one overriding mission: to enable our graduates to become members of a "Global Corps"", and it does really make me recognize that my decision for applying to the university is absolutely right. International trade, finance and management major under graduate school of international studies could fulfill my interest, passion and dream toward business in more specific ways. I can study more about how institution both private and public companies conduct their business internationally under many significant factors such as policy, law, economic condition. I have studied Korean by myself. The more I learn Korean, the more I am fascinated by the country. In addition, the program also supports me for learning Korean which would be my fourth language skill. Moreover, it would be best if I could continue my master's degree from this program because I could reduce financial burden from my parents. I want them to feel proud of me. One day, when I look back, I will definitely proud of myself that once I applied and got the opportunity from KGSP program. I'm sure that I would make this opportunity from KGSP program worth in many ways.

Chutchanok, the essay is 25% completed. There are 2 portions of the essay that you need to address in order to properly inform the reviewer and also, guarantee a clear prompt response. The first paragraph about your interest in business should be placed in a merged form with your motivation for applying to this program. Insert that paragraph before your explanation about your time in China for the language course. You should consider informing the reviewer about how your time in China helped you create a social network relevant to your college major and business interests.

You can remove the reference to the TOEFL tests as that is not going to impress the reviewer. Had you taken and passed the TOPIK test instead, you would have guaranteed yourself a fast track towards being admitted to a university in Korea and also, instant admission to the KGSP program. Actually, the TOEFL story isn't relevant to the application prompts which is why you can safely skip that narration as well.

Don't fall back on quotes to help move your essay along. Revise the part that contains the quote. Instead, utilize this part to introduce your family to the reviewer. That is the concept behind your course of life and view of life. Who are your parents? What kind of family do you come from? What are their jobs? How have they influenced you as a person in terms of how you look at life. Don't use quotes because that is the informal and simplest way to respond to a question that requires and insightful response.

Your educational life is non-existent in this essay. You must discuss the impressive achievements that you had during college. Were you an academic achiever? Expound on that information. What subjects did you excel in? Lessen the extra curricular activities to cover only the activities where you were recognized for a particular ability or participation. The idea, is to show the reviewer that you are a person who manages to succeed in life even when faced with difficulties or seemingly impossible tasks. That is what will ensure that you may have the potential to complete at least the first year of the 3 year program.

Divide your last paragraph into individual topic paragraphs. It is too long. You discuss various topics in it so you have to give those various topics ample attention in the presentation. Otherwise, the reviewer may just forget what you said due to the extremely long presentation. Omit the reference to the experience that your contacts had at the university under the KGSP program. While they did attend the program, their recommendation does not matter to the reviewer. You won't be doing yourself any favors by mentioning unnamed individuals who, even if you name them, will not be familiar to the reviewer. Let your self introduction stand on its own strength. You don't need the support of unnamed individuals in your application.

Revising the essay in the above suggested manner should help you to finalize the content of the essay. One last work fo advice, don't overthink the essay. Leave well enough alone. As long as you accurately cover all of the prompt requirements, your essay will be fine. Don't edit it to death because when you do that, you end up with an essay that you believe you cannot use, but is actually usable already.