Studies on disease prevention - MY STUDY PLAN FOR COMMON WEALTH SCHOLARSHIP

A study plan has been composed by me for a scholarship award.

Please help vet and edit as much as possible, it will be appreciated

The study plan seek to describe:

1. Why have you chosen this particular course of study?
2. Why did you choose this university?
3. Why did you choose this country?
4. Any aspect of the course you find attractive?
5. How does this course fits with your past study?
6. How does the course fit into your future career plan?

NB: Article is meant to be 200 - 400 words.Unfortunately, i wrote 400+ words already....... lol......

****Thanks for your anticipated comments... GOD BLESS YOU!****

My hunger and thirst for studies on disease prevention and control got ignited in my third year as an undergraduate. It started during a course titled "Principle of Epidemiology and Public Health". A good exposition and understanding of this course in combination with a final grade of 3.97/5.00 made me developed a burning passion for public health studies. Also, the rapidly growing population of my country (Nigeria) presents a lot of health challenges as new disease are emerging and those previously controlled are re-emerging. Against this back drop, I chose to do a master study in Epidemiology and Biostatistics. While epidemiology deals with infectious disease surveillance and risk factor assessment, biostatistics focuses on the design of clinical trials and analysis of public health data aimed at prevention, control and eradication of disease in a population.

Master of Public Health (MPH) in Epidemiology and Biostatistics at the University of Nairobi, Kenya dated far back 1984. This makes it one of the oldest in the East African region known for training quality health care professional. The high reputation gained in innovative researches, presence of qualified and experienced faculty, excellent laboratory facilities and a good number of competent graduates trained in the past gave me the push to study at this university.

I decided to study in Kenya because in combination with her wonderful climate; education authorities and bodies provide a favorable and comfortable study environment for both local and international students. In addition, Kenya's capital city (Nairobi) provides an established social hub with diverse cultures. This will enable me to appreciate and learn to live with people from different backgrounds.

I have keen interest in Infectious Disease Epidemiology. This involves research focused on biological and dynamic features of infectious diseases with emphasis on epidemiologic approaches to social, behavioral and biological determinants of disease emergence, transmission, pathogenesis and immunity.

This area of study is in suture with my previous bachelor degree in Microbiology because fundamental courses have been taught already. This provides a good foundation for a master study in Epidemiology and Biostatistics.

My future career prospect depends greatly on the success of this scholarship. The study will prepare and qualify me for a doctorate degree in public health with which I will be able to carry out researches that will lead to formulation of policies that will contribute to the growth and development of Nigerian health sector. This I will do by teaching and promoting good health practices in higher institution, working with research institute and non-governmental organization that promotes good health among compatriots.

John, I applaud you for responding to the questions provided in chronological order. The only problem with that approach, is that your information became mechanical and suffered in terms of discussion development. There is no fluidity to the discussion, which tends to suddenly change topics without warning. Use transition sentences to introduce the next discussions. It won't be hard to do provided that you revise your opening statement. Since you are applying for a masters degree scholarship. The committee is going to be less interested in the development of your academic interest in Public Health via Epidemiology and Biostatistics. Rather, they are more keen to learn how your professional life has led to your decision to enroll on this higher study. Note that you were asked why you were interested in this particular course of study. It does not ask you how your interest in this course developed. Those are two different things. When you are asked how your interest developed, you can go with an academic basis for your response. However, the response for that question requires an answer related to your professional experience. That is why you are specifically being asked as to how this course of study relates to your future career plan. So in the end, when you say that your career plan depends upon whether you get this scholarship or not, you are killing your chance to gain the scholarship. Show an actual career path for yourself based upon either your current employment or your ability to gain employment in a related field in the future. Your current future career path is too hypothetical. It should be something solid that you can actually show a measure of success in implementing either through an improvement in public health or some program to help a community. It cannot be a theoretical approach.

Hi,
I am not versed enough to spot any grammar mistake or to edit it directly. I just share my feelings about it that hope to be helpful to you:

1. My overall impression is that you tried to put answers of all respective questions piece by piece into the same essay rather than to tell a story. I think it'd be better if you can re-arrange your info to make the essay more comprehensive and connected.

2. You mentioned that social hub and diverse cultures are your motivations to study in Kenya so that you can learn from other backgrounds.
It is quite general. It should be more specific in term of how your study experience in Kenya supports your job in future, etc.

3. "My future career prospect depends greatly on the success of this scholarship" sounds like you can't succeed without this scholarship. From my understanding, the admission committee may argue that you can find another reasonable program to help you with advanced qualification and career. Besides, your supporting sentences about future plan seem not to be link strongly with your thesis statement" depends greatly on the success of this scholarship".

Thanks a million. I am working to effect suggested corrections and I will bring it up for further review ASAP. Once again, thanks for your time.