HOW WILL THE PROPOSED STUDY CONTRIBUTE TO YOUR CAREER?
My lifelong goal is to promote more of Indonesian local brand by creating a business aggregator that can serve as a stepping stone for small scale industries (SSI) to scale up their business. The business concept was simple, first I want to gather Indonesian local product produced by SSI, rebrand and market their products whilst crafting a business model to ensure the longevity of their ventures. Despite not common in Indonesia, I believe this business model will provide a higher chance for SSI to scale up their business size and provide more economical benefit towards Indonesia's GDP.
However, years of working as a brand manager I've never had any formal in class training. All of my past knowledges were gained through hands-on working experience which limited to certain category respective towards my company's business streams. Despite understanding the direct application, I lack the knowledge needed of business model theory, understanding towards diverse range of busines lines, and how to seek funding. Therefore, Master of Commerce will help me achieving my ambition because not only it will help sharpening my experiences through solid business model theories but this program can become my milestone in designing the business aggregator plan, since I'm also planning on taking this case as my final project.
Then, upon returning from my postgraduate degree, I'll work for 1-2 years in startup company. Whilst honing my skill on crafting sustainable business models, I want to gain as much network as possible including seeking for venture capitalist to fund my own venture in SSI business aggregator.
I must say that I am impressed by your choice of words. I think your first and last paragraph are good and convincing enough. But at the second paragraph, I don't think you should too focus on your lack of knowledge. Instead, be specific on the unit study of the Master of Commerce and relate it to your plan of career.
Hope this help.