can you help me improve this little "essay"?
STUDY PLANS TO IMPROVE FOREIGN LANGUAGES (KOREAN, ENGLISH, ETC) REQUIRED FOR TAKING A BACHELOR'S DEGREE COURSE.
BEFORE and AFTER you come to Korea.
BEFORE I CAME TO KOREA
If you master the language, then you will rule the world. This sentence is what motivated me to learn foreign languages. Since English is the language I will use to learn Korean, I will always improve my skills in each language. Currently, to improve my English skills, I study through online articles, magazines, and I also plan to write an essay of at least 3 paragraphs a day. In concern for my speaking abilities, I have a friend who is studying English literature, so I will train with her, we will only communicate using English, either through speaking in person or only via text message.
Since grade 2 high school, I have been interested in the Korean language. Since then I have started studying hangul via the internet. Now I will seriously improve my Korean language skills. I will start by buying Korean language learning books, dictionaries, and other study support books for me. Not only through books, but I also learn through articles and simple books in Korean, podcasts, online videos, applications, Korean films, and TV shows. To deepen my understanding, I will take an online language course. In my spare time, I will also watch Korean news programs for updates on the situation in Korea, the country I will live in. I also like listening to Korean music, then I will rewrite the lyrics I hear and interpret them.
AFTER I CAME TO KOREA
Once in Korea, I will take Korean language training and I will work hard to finish with a topic score of 5. I will use the existing facilities at the university such as the language center and library. Because I already in Korea I meet Korean people and interact with them, this helps me in my learning process. I plan to invite my friends to create a community to discuss the Korean language, sharing knowledge with each other.
Apart from trying very well for Korean, I will also do my best to improve my English skills by communicating with international students currently studying in South Korea.
Firstly, think you should put the motivating sentence in quotation marks, like:
" If you master the language, then you will rule the world. "
Also, there are still many words (through, learn, skills, also, korean,...) being repeated for several times when they are pretty basic and easy to paraphrase. Try to change them with other same-meaning phrases will help you have the best coherence!
Holt Educational Consultant - / 13,582 4452
As a part of your preparing to study in Korea, reference that you are taking formal Hangul classes, and make sure to do it. It is should be the time to mention that you will have yourself assessed for language proficiency by taking the TOPIK test before you come to Korea. Mention that so that the reviewer will see that you are a serious language candidate. Do the same for the English language. Aim to take either the TOEFL or IELTS test before going to Korea so you will have a better assessment of your language skills that you can present to the university if needed.
Use a formal essay presentation instead of a sub-divided response presentation. This is a single page essay, not a statement response per section.