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Supporting statement - how will the study contribute (AAS - Applied Linguistics)

Please help me with my essay,

How will the proposed study contribute to your career?

Applied Linguistics

Upon completing my study through the applied linguistics specialization, I will have a better knowledge concerning language structures, how to use language in accordance with context, and how language differs among social groups. By mastering the language structure of English, it will provide a two-way understanding for both of the languages whether it is the mother tongue or English itself which can lead to a multilingual language learning method. Furthermore, by acquiring a strong understanding of language structure, it will help me find a breakthrough on how to give a proper explanation for those who are learning English so that they can understand how the language itself works and implement their knowledge. Since it is also necessary for learners to know how language operates in accordance to context, through this study I will have the means to convey an understanding on this matter so the learners will also be capable of using the language's flexibility. As language differs among social groups, the way learners view and understand language will also differ; hence, knowledge on this issue will be significant due to the diversity of ethnics in Indonesia.

The cognitive aspect is not the only issue to make students understand about what they have learned. Students with high motivation and curiosity towards what they learn will have a better understanding, on the other hand, those without motivation and curiosity will learn slower. I will also obtain higher English proficiency as a result of living in Australia, which will also be a factor in motivating the students because students look up to their teacher or lecturer. Thus, studying abroad in Australia will give me new experiences that I can use as a story to motivate students and build their character.

Apr 19, 2017   #2
Romeo, do not approach this essay from an "I will" angle. The point of this essay is to have you consider what you inabilities or lack of training in this field is in relation to the professional problems that you have and hope to resolve through the completion of this course. You do not need to outline how you hope to use the information you learned. Instead, you should be discussing the type of professional improvement you hope to attain through this process. Remember, the question relates to how this study can contribute to your career. The contribution needs to show where you are at this point in your skills and training, what you hope to improve upon via the masters classes, and what kind of improvement you hope to show at the end. In my opinion, you need to rephrase the first paragraph and just remove the second paragraph in order to address the prompt requirement in a more applicable manner.
Thank you for the detailed feedback and suggestion . I will change the approach and rephrase it as you suggested, but I don't know what kind of professional improvement I can attain because I am a fresh graduate.

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