Tech(No or Yes)logy. A means to an end

PROMPT: Is technology a good investment for schools? Why or why not? (300 word limit)

This is my first draft. Written in 45 minutes? Anyone want to tear this draft up and tell me what's wrong and why? :] Thankee~

Technology can indeed be a good instructional investment. If a good investment is dependent on successful mutual returns that will ultimately feed back to the effectiveness of a system, then technology can be that catalyst. If a good investment is to spend money on a system so that people can all benefit in a mutual environment, then technology can again provide the necessary foundation.

Current technology includes both the small and the large. From a set of paintbrushes art class to a surround sound system for the new school auditorium, both students and staff can benefit from well-invested technology.

While some of the more obvious investments would be to obtain new lab equipment, several other aspects of a school can also benefit. The music department can build better practice rooms. The foreign language classrooms can began programs that allow students to listen to native speakers in Spanish or French, and learn how to respond. Even the physical education classes can benefit from proactive exercise equipment such as DDR or even a well-developed track field.

With better-equipped facilities, a school is prone to attract intelligent students willing to spend more time actively learning academia at school and athletic students willing to play for the school team. The environment not only shows the ability of the establishment to spend for the students' education, but well-planned investments will show the forethought and willingness of the staff to provide stronger programs for their students.

Technology has been and will continue to be tools that will allow teachers and students to learn new material creatively. Emphasizing its multiplicity will encourage and motivate students to use new technology after they graduate. Using technology is like building an edifice; the more prudent the initial investments, the stronger the structure and the longer its success will last.

Hello, your essay is really good, but I wonder if it is for admissions essay, you should relate more the topic with you, I mean, anyone can talk about technology..that's the only thing i think u should do..anyway..I really liked it!!

haha, I already love it. When you begin to write, you need to have a big buildup of energy. I think you did that here and got inspired... google: possessed by paul james men men men ...

and see that buildup in action. If you have already seen it, it's worth watching again...

I think one more sentence needs to be added to that para #1. Add a thesis sentence that is powerful enough to knock the reader over. I think you need to add a sentence to the end of that 1st para to present your theme. Tech. can be a good or bad investment, because, just like all other aspects of teaching, it must be strongly oriented toward the purpose. Some technology I have seen in classrooms is just silly and distracting.

I like what you wrote about a positive attitude. Maybe that can be your theme. Inspiration must come first, then learning. The student must be inspired before she can be taught.