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The three university courses choice - Applying for Chevening Scholarship, need help with my essay!



Aysha13 4 / 2  
Sep 14, 2016   #1
I am applying for the Chevening scholarship, just finished writing one of the answers for the four questions.My answer is very long i need help in editing it and make it within the word count of 500 and also looking forward on your corrections, comments and suggestions. Thank you.

Outline why you have selected your chosen three university courses, and explain how this relates to your previous academic or professional experiences and your plan for the future.

From my experience there are two categories of medical students. Those who are absolutely sure as to what field of medicine they want to specialize in from the very beginning of medical school , then there are those who leave there options open till the very end, till they have learned a great deal about the complex human body and its functions. I believe I belonged to the second category, and didn't really have my mind set on one particular organ.

My interest in Dermatology started in 5th year of medical school when I studied the Skin Hair and nail module in great length and learned about their associated diseases and treatments. What intrigued me was the fact that 'dermatology is an art of seeing'. It offers the possibility to make a diagnosis by sight without any further evidence or technological aids. This is not possible in most of the other disciplines. My interest grew deeper during the internship year, when I worked as an intern in the dermatology rotation. It made me experience the clinical aspects of it, and I was fascinated by the fact that the field is so diverse and multi-faceted. You get to see everything - from harmless rashes to life threatening illnesses. It allows you to practice both things- work as a surgeon as well as provide non-surgical treatments.

When I shifted to India immediately after internship in 2011, I took a break from my career and got married. After settling down I started working as a General Physician in a private hospital in Lucknow, India. As rewarding as that is I knew I will never be satisfied until I become a dermatologist. Living and working in my home country has only encouraged me to per sue my specialization.

As dermatology is a fast growing field of medicine worldwide, in India alone the skin care segment has shown tremendous growth in recent years. Factors like global warming, anti-aging solutions, growing media influences, increase in disposable incomes, lifestyle related disorders, craze for cosmetic surgeries, low cost of treatment, and booming medical tourism are driving this market. As the living standards in India are improving there is a rising concern about beauty and looks especially among the youth. But this growth and change is mostly seen in urban regions, like Chandigarh, Mumbai, Chennai, Delhi etc.

In smaller cities like Lucknow, where I live there is still a lack of awareness in the general population and the skin care centres cater to only a small segment of skin treatments and a particular segment of the society. The situation is further worsened by the low availability of dermatologist In India. The severity of growing skin diseases in India is further emphasized by the fact the WHO has included skin diseases under the most common non-communicable diseases in India. Hence there is a dire need of comprehensive skin care setups providing all skin care treatments under one roof.

The course I have chosen is MSc in Clinical Dermatology at the University of Cardiff and at the Kings College London and MSc Dermatology skills and treatment at university of Hertfordshire.

The MSc in clinical Dermatology offered at Cardiff and Kings College London is my desired program to do as it is a well-structured, highly practical one year taught program designed specifically for medical graduates willing to specialize in dermatology. It will provide me a combination of clinical skills and knowledge as well as laboratory sciences relevant to skin diseases. It will give me the opportunity to learn from the best as many of the lectures and clinics are led by world leading experts in dermatology.

Studying in UK will provide me with a master's degree that will be recognized and reputed worldwide. This program will be the perfect start to my dermatology career back home. It will provide me the confidence, skills and knowledge required to reach my long term goal of opening up a world class skin care treatment centre in India. To be a part of the change required in my country, to expand and improve the skin treatment facilities provided to them.

I look forward to the social and academic challenges of being a chevening scholar. I am aware of the demands of a full time taught postgraduate course, but my commitment and desire to become a dermatologist will only be strengthen through my experiences at one of the prestigious universities in UK.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15344  
Oct 25, 2016   #2
Hi Aysha, as I can see from the existing thread, there have been some revisions suggested to you. Have you applied the changes? If you have done so, please post your latest essay version in this thread so we can continue to work on it. In answer to your question, it is extremely important that you stick to the word count because of 2 reasons:

1. It shows your ability to follow simple instructions;
2. If you are going to post this in an application box on the university website, your essay will be cut midstream because the box is designed to accommodate a specific word count. It could render your application useless.

Please post the essay at your convenience, we will do our best to help you edit the content in order to meet the word requirement.
ichanpants89 16 / 742  
Oct 25, 2016   #3
Hi Aysha,

In my opinion, there are some unnecessary information that you can omit in order to fulfill the minimum words count of 500 words. However, these are just my thoughts, it is still your rights to decide which part of your essay that should be deleted.

First, I think that explaining two categories of medical students is one of the unnecessary information. Why don't you just come up with the idea that you are a type of student who determines your specialization in the very end of your university period?

Second, this paragraph "As dermatology is a fast growing field of....regions, like Chandigarh, Mumbai, Chennai, Delhi etc." contains information that has already existed in the recent news. Why bother to write it here? Omitting this paragraph would make your essay consist of approximately 566 words.

Lastly, "I believe I belonged to the second category, and didn't really have my mind set on one particular organ. My interest in Dermatology started in 5th year of medical school when I studied the Skin module in great length and learned about their associated diseases and treatments. ..... Living and working in my home country has only encouraged me to per sue my specialization." these two paragraphs can be summarized by taking the most important parts only.

Hope this helps :)
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15344  
Oct 25, 2016   #4
Aysha, I will have to tell you that the essay has an overly long introduction when it does not need to be. The reviewer is not interest in your background on an individual basis. This prompt requires you to discuss only the 3 university programs that you are interested in. This is the main reason that your essay is running over the word limit. As a rule, you should only present the immediate requirement of the prompt. Don't try to tell you academic biography when it is not required. Now, I understand that you believe the opening you made is perfect. But it runs 2 paragraphs long and the actual discussion of importance, was presented in a single paragraph. That is absolutely the wrong format for this essay.

I apologize for saying this but you will have to go back and write a new essay in the following format, which is the correct format for this essay:

Par. 1 - Simple introduction, no more than 8 sentences. Just mention the common factors that led to your choice of these 3 schools.
Par. 2-4 - University, name of the course, academic or professional experience related to your interest, how does the university program relate to your future plans. You may also discuss some, but not a comprehensive history of your academic background. Just discuss your academics that relate directly to your course choice. A mere mention of the highlights of your academic career should suffice. That experience should be spread out through the 3 schools. Remember, you should compare the 3 programs based upon your academic ability and professional experience.

Par. 5 - Conclusion

The concentration of your essay must be on the universities you have chosen. Not a justification of your background. Your only justification, should relate to the course you have chosen and how your work or academic experience shows this course of study as a progression for your career. BTW, double check the universities you were discussing, you only under developed a discussion of 2 out of the 3 universities.

I must apologize for asking you to do this. I know that you feel your essay is almost ready for submission. But you can't submit it in this current form. You need to follow the format of the prompt and stick only to the requirements you were given. That is because all the other information you are providing at the beginning of your current essay can already be read by the reviewer in your other application essays and documents submitted. Avoid redundancy at all cost. Stick to the instructions.


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