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Topic : Discussion of your Academic Potential, work ethic, and integrity (500-2000 characters)



joy1234 1 / -  
May 13, 2015   #1
hello everyone am joy and new here.. am applying for a scholarship which has a deadline of July 1 please i need corrections of grammars toward my essay.. its urgent. thank u.

Scholarship consideration

Topic : Discussion of your Academic Potential, work ethic, and integrity (500-2000 characters)

All my life I have wanted to become an Accountant. Have loved counting figures, learning how to manage and do business have always been my first priority that's why I plan to study Accounting as my major in Michigan flint university. My career path would to become an Accountant in a bank or firm at one of the most respectable organization. I believe I have got the skills to become an Accountant which has which has made me put more effort in my mathematics than when i started high school. I believe that studying Accounting will give me a lot of valuable knowledge and help me develop my basic and complex in working with figures and the ability to prepare annual accounts with accurate information and this would also give me more insight in the business world. I am a well-organized person with determination .I am good at mathematics but not exactly the best in the subject and I have a great attention span.it has made me a good accounting student and this is why I choose accountancy above all other profession. I am pursing this career as an Accountant because it has always been my childhood dream and I believe I have the skills and knowledge to achieve this goal to become an accountant in future. The value for education is something that I have always understood since a very young age. Neither of my parents had an opportunity to attend university of which made them face a lot of struggles in their personal and professional lives because of this, which made me decide to struggle so hard and ensure my studies into an higher education and this would make me the first out of my siblings to go to university. I have been an hard worker since primary school, always dedicated to everything educational and everything about God, I am also a very honest and trustworthy person who believe that helping and assisting others comes first and that's why I joined the UJ community engagement service when they came to my school asking teenagers to volunteer in community engagement service .I believe I have the ability to follow through with the education needed to achieve the goals in my life, I am passionate driven and have very exception which makes an excellent student. I put my education above all other things which has enabled me to keep to my grades since primary school and this has helped me in achieving my goals in life.

justivy03 - / 2265  
May 13, 2015   #2
- My career path would be to become an Accountant in a bank or firm at one of the most respectable organization.

- I believe I have got the skills to become...

- Rephrasing this paragraph;
Neither of my parents had an opportunity to attend university [...]

Neither of my parents had the opportunity to attend university, this resulted to a lot of struggle in the lives both personal and professional, this is one of the strongest motivation I have in pursuing a higher degree of education.

- I am passionate driven and have very exception which makes an excellent studentan exceptional student in my class. . I put my education above all other things which has enabled me to keep to my grades since primary school and this has helped me in achieving my goals in life.

Joy,your essay is great. It has a lot to say about you but what about your intentions for greater good, meaning your contribution to the institution that will grant you the scholarship. I suggest you include this in your essay so they will know that it's not only about you, it's also your genuine appreciation of the institution being a great contributor to your future.

Also when writing essay, take note of the following;

- word tenses, if an action is continuos, it should be written it present tense.
- unnecessary information, giving away information about your family can be good to know, but they may also be a reason for you not to get the scholarship. Keep your information to what is asked, talking about your siblings and parents can be deleted in this particular essay application.

I wish you good luck in your application and in case you need further assistance, don't hesitate to write us back, were here to help.

Cheers!!!


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