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'I had to travel 24 kilometers daily from my home town to my school'; LEADERSHIP and INFLUENCE ESSAY



LAR 1 / 1  
Oct 4, 2016   #1
Chevening is looking for individuals that will be future leaders or influencers in their home countries. Explain how you meet this requirement, using clear examples of your own leadership and influencing skills to support your answer.

(minimum word count: 50 words, maximum word count: 500 words)


ANSWER:
Having grown-up in a rural setting in the remote town of Larkana in the interior of Sindh, I had to travel 24 kilometers daily from my home town to my school. I aspired for progress, both intellectual and social. At the age 13, I was selected to attend the Cadet College Larkana ("CCL"), a prestigious boarding school in city, to receive my higher education.

CCL provided me the platform to discern my strengths and capabilities and helped me develop the character, competence and commitment to become a leader. Be it academics, co-curricular or extra-curricular activities, I performed my tasks diligently and with ardent passion and helped others through peer support. I encouraged teamwork and comradeship among fellow cadets.

In 2008, due to some poor performances my House at CCL slumped to its lowest ever ranking in the Inter-House Championship, a prestigious competition among 8 houses held over the course of year. The cadets had lost their morale and were low on self-confidence. This provided me an opportunity to demonstrate my leadership skills. I volunteered with the House Committee to appoint me as House Cadet Captain and succeeded in my pursuit. Ranked 7th in the Championship, I knew the task ahead was exacting, nevertheless I took the challenge with courage and responsibility. Without wasting any time, I constituted a team of ten outstanding cadets from my house each having their own strengths to help improve the performance of cadets, identified the areas to focus on, devised a plan, and began working. Members of the team who excelled at studies were tasked to support others in difficulty by conducting tutorials. Others trained their fellow Cadets in sports by working on their fitness and technique. Under my supervision, the team organized various Intra-House competitions for cadets to take part, practice for events and learn from their own experiences. This instilled self-belief among the cadets, enhanced their confidence and improved their performances in events at Inter-House level. Besides, I also worked to motivate and counsel cadets who lagged behind or failed to perform up to their strengths, provided them my observations from time to time and suggested ways for improvement. Where needed, I also led them by example to influence follow-up. Under my command and with the collective efforts of my cadets, our House finished Runners-up in the Championship for the first time in 10 years. Fortunately, in the same year I was also rewarded with a prestigious "Best in Academics Award" at CCL which was presented to me by the former Prime Minister of Pakistan, Mr. Yousuf Raza Gilani. After college, I received a fully funded National Outreach Program Scholarship at LUMS to pursue my Undergrad degree.

Following graduation in 2014, I have taken the initiative to conduct College guidance and counseling programs for High School students in Larkana City. Given the scarcity of post-secondary counseling programs at High Schools and the indifference shown by School Authorities, the students of this underrepresented part of Pakistan have remained completely unaware of available educational opportunities and lack information regarding career pathways. Thus, the aim has been to provide students with maximum awareness, help them to make informed and better educational and career choices and enable them to maximize their educational and personal development. To begin with, I wrote to the Authorities of three Public Schools in Larkana requesting for an opportunity to organize voluntary college counselling sessions for High School students at their Schools. One of the schools granted permission and even showed willingness to coordinate in organizing the event. However, the rest did not respond at all. I kept writing them letters, contacted them via telephone, scheduled meetings with their officers to discuss the benefits of such program and with much efforts convinced them to organize the event. I also invited some of my friends studying at various top ranking universities to participate as guest speakers and counsel students with their experiences. In all these sessions we offered students information on various colleges across Pakistan, college majors, course offerings, career options; helped them identify their strengths and interests; and guided them through the college admissions process by providing information on college search, testing, financial aid and scholarships. Last year my efforts bore fruit as all three schools reported higher percentage of students applying for college admissions and getting into various colleges across Pakistan. The schools also invited me to conduct more counseling sessions for their students and sought advice on setting up a counseling department in their schools.

fadhilmd25 41 / 71  
Oct 4, 2016   #2
Dear Lar, here are some advices for your writing, feel free to correct me if I get wrong,

and helped me to develop themy character

... diligently and with ardent passion by helping others through peer support

provided them with(or through) my observations (...) and suggested them the ways for improvement

Hope it helps your to improve your writing,

Regards
OP LAR 1 / 1  
Oct 5, 2016   #3
Thank you fadhilmd25 for your suggestions!
My response is quite long and exceed the word limit (500 words). I am having difficulty to concise it further.
Could you please help me in this regard?
Adreanna - / 22  
Oct 5, 2016   #4
Hi LAR,

I suggest that you should reduce unnecessary sentences. E.g.

Having grown-up in a rural setting in the remote town of Larkana in the interior of Sindh, I had to travel 24 ...

-> "travelling 24 km to school" does not linked to your next sentences which is "selected to attend college". As a reader, I understood that because you travel that long distance everyday, then you get the admission to your current college - which i believe could not be what you mean in this statement. If you want to include this catching sentence, i think you should rewrite the respond.

"Without wasting any time",

... nevertheless I took the challenge with courage and responsibility -> "courage and responsibility" could be indirectly explain through the process of dealing with the task's difficulties, it is not necessary to directly mention that you have such qualities.

Members of the team who excelled at studies -> Team members

etc.

HTHs
Ann
justivy03 - / 2265  
Oct 20, 2016   #5
Hi Anees, let me help you out.

- WithThe obsolete educational infrastructure
- Being bornBorn and raised in a rural setting,
- I faced the same challenges. But, however , I
- and endeavoredmy hunger for knowledge
- is needed to support my community,
- and mostmore importantly

- At the age of 13, I left my home town

There you have it Anees, overall, this revision has been well written with very few enhancements that will further strengthen your essay.
I do hope that you write more often, it doesn't necessarily have to be a formal essay or answer to a specific prompt, write anything that you can think of, post it here on EF, this way, we can help you out and hone your skill in writing.


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