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My essay: work at home with computers and modems instead of working in offices daily.


pandawii 3 / 14  
Jul 20, 2012   #1
I need some advice to improve my skill.Thank you!

Topic: Computers and modems have made it possible for office workers to do their work from home instead of working in offices everyday. working from home should be encouraged for workers anf employers as it is good. Do you agree or dis?

No more than 250 words,

Whether workers are possible to do a great deal of their work from home with the cooperation of technology in place of going to work offices routine or not,has been under controversial position. I am personally prone to agree with working from home on the ground of plenty advantages for workers.

One of the most outspread advantages is not to have pressure of time and rules. The majority of employees are managed by legislations such as attending in wordplace or finishing tasks on time , especially are state workers have been in charge fairly tight. Consequently, that it is rather confined to employees, not only leads them to be stressful but also creates negative influences to work quality when to abide by the obligatory rules of office. Only by working at home feasibly workers enhance this, as a result of which, workers propbaly take the initiative in counterbalancing time between daily business and houseworks. Alternately, they just mention when time for completing duties ends to adjust their hours.

On the other hand, a home office is suggested to doers have more comfortable work surrounding. In general, office space is stretched and competed because of the relationship of patners and managers. Significantly, employees mandatory be under controlled directly by their boss stringenter. Also are doers plausible do their work somewhere with the support of technology, not only either at home or office. By dint of this things, homestay to work is suitable to the lagre number of workers.

For all resons above, that office's works are absolute to do at home with the cooperation of technology not necessary in office.
samenmohammad 10 / 19  
Jul 20, 2012   #2
I think you should start with a good introduction.
OP pandawii 3 / 14  
Jul 20, 2012   #3
Thank for your help, samenmohammad! Thanks.
OP pandawii 3 / 14  
Jul 21, 2012   #4
Who can indicate for me about my grammar and vocab? What is needed to fix?
xucoi 14 / 41 10  
Jul 21, 2012   #5
In my opinion...

One of the most outspread advantages is not to have pressure of time and rules. The majority of employees are managed by legislations such as attending inwordplace or finishing tasks on time , especially are state workers have been in charge fairly tight. Consequently, that it is rather confined to employees, not only leads them to be stressful but also creates negative influences to work quality when to abide by the obligatory rules of office . Only by working at home feasibly workers enhance this, as a result of which, workers propbaly take the initiative in counterbalancing time between daily business and houseworks. Alternately, they just mention when time for completing duties ends to adjust their hours.
OP pandawii 3 / 14  
Jul 21, 2012   #6
Thank xu coi! Thank for your help!
OP pandawii 3 / 14  
Jul 21, 2012   #7
thanks again!:)
My teacher said I wrote the introduce wrong, as samenmohammad 's advice.
How should right introduce of this topic is?
xucoi 14 / 41 10  
Jul 21, 2012   #8
You should read a sample introduce in How to prepare...of Barron, it is a good book for you to learn writing, i'm also a new one who learn that book :D
OP pandawii 3 / 14  
Jul 21, 2012   #9
Thank you so so so much, xu coi!
Benedict01 1 / 5  
Jul 21, 2012   #10
Hi!

Here are my comments:

1. Please check grammars and some spellings. As an examples:
a. grammar: The majority of employees are managed by legislations such as attending in wordplace or finishing tasks on time , especially are state workers have been in charge fairly tight

CORRECTION: The majority of employees is (should use is because of the object of the preposition is not the noun in this sentence)
b. spelling: Only by working at home feasibly workers enhance this, as a result of which, workers propbaly
CORRECTION: probably
c. style: Whether workers are possible to do a great deal of their work from home with the cooperation of technology in place of going to work offices routine or not,has been under controversial position. I am personally prone to agree with working from home on the ground of plenty advantages for workers.

CORRECTION: (we can improve further by having a better introduction such as) The topic on having bringing work from office to home due to the advancement of technology, such as the use of computers and modems, is highly debatable.

2. Writing style:
You may include both advantages and disadvantages of bringing work to home. You can cite more examples such as no distractions from office mates, more comfortable surrounding. However, there are other distractions such as the availability of television, the bed (which can invite you to go to sleep rather than work). etc.

For any other additional help, you can email me or search a1papers

thanks and goodluck!
viviana15077 7 / 21  
Jul 21, 2012   #11
Hi, Here are some thoughts:
I think you introduction is fine. Maybe just add a few sentences to elaborate.
You have to have at least 5 paragraphs for this type of essay.
Conclusion is too short. It would sound better if you restate your point of view why you agree and disagree.
OP pandawii 3 / 14  
Jul 22, 2012   #12
Thank for helping me, Benedict01 and Viviana15077. Your advices improve me very much.
ramtinms 3 / 6  
Jul 22, 2012   #13
Hi ,
I think using a question like "Can telework improve jobs performance or not ?"To answering this question you must consider lots of factors, first ..., seconde ,,, is better for introduction part .
xucoi 14 / 41 10  
Jul 22, 2012   #14
To Benedict01
I think we chose "agree" or " dissent" that means we just follow our choice,should not cite both disavantages and adantages. :D. It's just my little opinion :D
OP pandawii 3 / 14  
Jul 27, 2012   #15
thank for all comments! Thank for helping me!


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