Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Scholarship   % width   Posts: 2


As a true leader, I encourage and inspire people to pursue their dream.



vania 7 / 12  
Oct 25, 2018   #1
Please kindly review essays below. I'm not a native speaker of english, so please mind the grammar.

Leadership and Influence



Chevening is looking for individuals who will be future leaders or influencers in their home countries. Explain how you meet this requirement, using clear examples of your own leadership and influencing skills to support your answer.

I was raised in the family that supports all of the children to follow their interest to bring out their potency. This opportunity has benefited me and helped me to improve my leadership skills through volunteering in various organizations and running my own business since junior high school. I always have a desire to give back to my home country. This desire has motivate me to be a facilitator of a non-profit organization named Inspiration-factory, which is an organization with vision and mission to inspire unfortunate children to be brave in pursuing their dream.

As a true leader, I encourage and inspire people to pursue their dream. Having interest in entrepreneurship and being a coordinator of Development of YY Committee of AS Community in 2014, I initiated a seminar called CP. Accounting Student Community is a student organization with five committees that cooperate to achieve the same goal. YY is one of the organization committee that mainly focuses in planning and executing organization vision in improving interpersonal skills and developing creative and innovative thinking of accounting

students. This seminar was driven by a desire to influence the youth society to be brave in executing their ideas into reality, as in this case, if they are aspire to be an entrepreneur, I want them to be brave to start their own business. This seminar is expected to inspire young people especially students in Economy Faculty of XY and to help the government that in fact is trying to improve the number of entrepreneur in Indonesia. As a person in charge who initiated the seminar, I lead the work from zero. I improve my problem-solving skill as a leader simultaneously by initiated regular internal meetings to discuss the preparation of the seminar and to address the issues in succeeding the seminar. The biggest challenge I faced during preparation of the seminar is how to engage with my team member. To tackle this problem, I

encouraged my team to give their recommendation and analysis in order to come to a best decision and motivate them to finish their work. To increase the cooperation level, it is important for me to build a closer bond with each member. Therefore, in many occasion I tried to interact with them more often and acknowledge their presence by means trusting them in doing their task and praising them for doing a good work.

As a result, I created a good teamwork that successfully gained participation and enthusiast from many students in the seminar. We invited two speakers who are entrepreneurs that have succeed in running their own business while pursuing their study to share their experiences and initiated a business plan competition in that seminar. Furthermore, Many students gained knowledge of how to write a business plan and got inspired to start their own business.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15385  
Oct 26, 2018   #2
Vania, omit the mention of your family at the start of the essay. The reviewer is not interested in that. There are only 3 things he is interested in, your leadership and influencing abilities in the areas of: academic, community, and professional. Your essay should cover the development of your leadership and influencing abilities either in all 3 aspects or mainly, the professional aspect of leadership and influencing. In this essay, you are severely focused on your academic leadership which does not create a strong reference for your leadership and influencing skills. This means that you failed to develop your skills beyond an academic leadership role. It makes you a weak leader in the eyes of the reviewer who does not have the potential to implement the expected leadership and influencing roles that Chevening expects you to do upon completion of the masters course.

You still have a chance to correct this error. Balance the essay between the academic presentation that you have here and a professional or community service presentation. That way you show a partial evolution of your leadership skills rather than a stagnant one. Shorten the academic presentation of your leadership skills and lengthen your professional presentation so that the reviewer can be convinced that you have the leadership and influencing abilties that the scholarship program is looking for.


Home / Scholarship / As a true leader, I encourage and inspire people to pursue their dream.
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳