Understanding maritime industries - essay for postgraduate scholarship award

for scholarship, i have to write about why i decided to take those degrees and picked those unis?
im applying with this priority list (1)master in maritime studies (2) master in maritime policy (3) MBA shippin and maritime management
the first two degree may have different titles. but mosty 9 out of 10 cover the same range of career field and include the same subjects. i put the last one as the third option as i can't find those maritime masters in any other universities. somehow, the third option offer some of the same subjects too. tat's why i put it there. the essay need around 2000 characters. so this is a long one

marine trade and transportation in Myanmar

Since studying for the bachelor in Nautical Science at the Myanmar Maritime University, subjects relating to maritime affairs have been making me grow my empathy to understand how maritime industries work. Nowadays, witnessing the rapid conomic developments in different sectors of my own nation with the new government since last year, I have more concerns on how to participate in a role for developing Myanmar maritime industries. Myanmar is abundant in natural resources and in order to make nation profit from them, international marine trade and transportation is an essential complement to and occasional substitute for other modes of freight transportation.

I can observe that a substantial development of the Myanmar maritime and shipping industry can be expected following the steady rise in value and volume of international trade. However, the country's maritime industries are lagging behind much of the rest of the maritime world in either technological developments or at least in the application of those technologies to productive business enterprises. With growing governmental involvement in all aspects of international trade and shipping, I believe that it can become vital to understand how policies affect technological innovation and to develop policies that will maintain a prosperous industrial base of the country and catch up with the rest of the international maritime industries. By taking this Masters, I will be able to demonstrate the superior knowledge and understanding of the maritime policies, the in-depth knowledge of the marine environmental law and regulations; and managing the effective use of innovative ideas in maritime shipping affairs.

That is why I chose to take this masters and I believe University of Wollongong and University of Tasmania will allow me to accomplish the goal. I am confident to produce excellent output and make the most effective use of the degree by taking part in a role of the country's needs and impacting the world.

@starkie1234

First thing first, since your essay requires 2000 words. I think probably it will be good for you to make a good structure for your essay first.

Your essay, in fact, just 310 words. You need to expand this.
Make a main idea for each paragraph and support it with several supporting ideas or perhaps you can provide any examples.

Starkie, is 2000 characters the maximum character count or the minimum character count? Those are two different counts that have a direct effect on the way that you include data in your essay. Please clarify what the 2000 character count represents. At the moment, you only have 1993 characters, which might adversely affect your essay if the 2000 character count is the minimum. You will need to add a few words to make sure that you meet the minimum requirement. However, if that is the maximum, then you have written enough words in the essay to qualify your content.

There are some major corrections to do in your essay. The first revision you have to make relates to the purpose for your masters degree studies. The discussion you present shows that you do not have a clear direction in mind for your maritime career. Therefore, the reviewer will not have the confidence that you can complete the course. It would be better if you can identify a specific maritime problem related to your country that you wish to resolve through the expansion of your knowledge and development of a solution during the course of your study. That way, the scholarship committee members will believe that you are truly dedicated to improving your skills for the betterment of your country's maritime woes.

Second, you make it sound like you will be attending both universities by including them in a single paragraph. While I understand that the course offerings and classes are similar, there is still an existing difference between the two universities that offer these courses. Find the differences and present those as the reasons why you opted to enroll for these universities. The idea, is that you have to convince the scholarship committee that you will have a positive career outlook regardless of which university or course of study you are approved for / admitted to.

The best way to approach these changes would be to write a new essay based upon the guide instructions I have provided to you here. You should find it easier to write the scholarship essay once you complete the guide requirements. I hope I can read your revision so I can assist you in finalizing it soon.