UWC Application 2016 | Largest Problem In My Region

Canada has always prided itself on the diversity and multiculturalism of their communities. Despite Canada's achievements in cultural pluralism and anti-discriminatory practice, racism still remains an ever-present issue.

It is through my personal experience of interviewing indigenous representatives, listening to residential school survivors, and reading about reconciliation that I realized the problem is evident. The road to reconciliation, recovery, and restoration that victims walk is strenuous and difficult.

Present day living standards of Aboriginal peoples are poorer compared to non-Aboriginals. Aboriginals have lower employment, life expectancy, incomes and high school graduates. They have almost twice as many infant deaths, and spend more time in jail. Aboriginals are given fewer promotions, and remain the poorest people in Canada.

The "native issue" as some call it, is a problem with endless possible solutions. I offer some holistic suggestions as to how we can solve the native issue. Awareness. The prerequisite to reconciliation is the acknowledgement of historical truth. The informing of the youth leads to empathy.

From my previous experiences with Aboriginal treatment, I have found myself (gripped/engaged) in the Indigenous world. The most notable example of my efforts in increasing the awareness of this issue is through my journalism portfolio. Last year, I had the privilege of interviewing Jody Wilson-Raybould, the Minister of Justice of Canada, and a prominent Aboriginal figure in Canadian government and society. By using the Student Newspaper I run called 'Wings' as a platform, I am able to publish my article and allow the student body and teachers to read about the native issue that prevents equality in our society. Furthermore, I attended a talk by Wab Kinew, another ambassador of Indigenous peoples, and plan on interviewing and writing an article about him to further increase the awareness of the native issue.

... and multiculturalism of their(its) communities.

OR

Canadians have always prided themselves on the diversity and multiculturalism of their communities.

... as many infant deaths, and spend...

The "native issue(,) " as some call it...

I have found myself (gripped/engaged

By using the Student Newspaper I run called '... ->

By using the student newspaper that I run called "Wings," as a platform, I am able to publish my articles and allow the student body and faculty to read about the native issue that prevents equality in our society.

Furthermore, I attended a talk by Wab Kinew, another ... ->

Furthermore, I attended a talk by Wab Kinew, another ambassador of Indigenous peoples, and plan on interviewing him for another article to increase awareness of this native issue.

I hope this helps somewhat. Overall, this is very well written and has few errors--besides a couple of comments here and there. I tried to go through and fix the commas, but I suggest you run it through a non-Microsoft/Apple editing program to be sure. Good luck with your admission!

Andrew, I hope you won't mind my asking you to post the actual UWC application prompt in this thread. I would like to get to know the sort of statement that the college is expecting you to develop in this essay. Based upon what you have written, I can only assume that there is a sort of imbalance in the way the essay was written. That is because there is too much focus on the problems in your region and how you learned about it, but there is no reference to how you hope to resolve the issue through an UWC education or its influence upon you. You also mentioned having met the Minister of Justice of Canada, but after mentioning her name there as no follow up discussion as to the relevance of this meeting and why it is important to this discussion. Your publications are irrelevant because it doesn't really say anything about how you plan to resolve the problem in your region. Once I read what the actual prompt is (for reference), or, if there is no actual prompt and you just developed this discussion on your own, then you need to explain to me what your thesis statement is, so that I can properly guide you regarding content development in your writing. As of now, the essay has a wide range of discussion that needs to be narrowed down to a specific topic, possible solution, and the role of UWC in all of your plans. I may have additional suggestions once I understand what you are trying to discuss. I look forward to reading the prompt soon.

@Holt

Thank you very much for your feedback. The prompt is shortened in the title of the threat, but fully: "Please describe the biggest problem you see facing your region of Canada in 2016. Please also describe how you would propose to solve it". I am just under 300 words, and am having trouble finding a space to include the UWC mission and objectives. Any ideas on what to cut would be really great. I feel like my solution is quite obvious though: awareness and education. The way the prompt is phrased makes me feel as if it asks what I myself am doing to help the cause, which is stated in the last paragraph. The incorporation of UWC values however has proven to be extremely difficult.

Again, any places to cut would be extremely appreciated. I think it's really polished, but an outsider's view would be great.

Thanks so much

Andrew, education and awareness without action is still considered lack of education and inaction. It is not enough to espouse an ideology or ideologies through articles you have written. As a UWC scholar, you should be able to put the ideologies into action. Remove these from the written word setting and embody these in your life through your actions. Yes, the answer you gave is quite obvious. Awareness and education. But aside from writing about those 2 solutions, how else can you effectively promote (first) education and (second) awareness among your classmates, friends, and other peers? Writing about the problem is one thing, promoting the solutions through action, influencing others if you want to be more specific, is the best way to illustrate your solutions the problem. That is what you should be reflecting alongside your published articles and meetings with these important people.

So, how can you accomplish such a thing while also embodying the UWC values in the essay? One way that I can see towards doing this is by summarizing the problem with Canada cultural pluralism and discrimination. Offer no more than a 5 -8 sentence summary paragraph regarding this problem. Keep it short but informative. That way, you can fold in your solutions to the problems within the discussion of the core values of UWC. For example, your awareness solution can be folded into a celebration of difference and mutual responsibility and respect. The most important part of your response will be how you integrate your solution within the actions and personal example value of UWC. Education can be merged with a sense of idealism along with international and cultural understanding. The other remaining core values can be presented as other solutions or as part of your character when it comes to forming solutions to the problems.

Personally, I think that it will be easier for you to present your essay if you do not concentrate on just these two ideologies as the solutions to the problems you are presenting. By presenting multiple solutions that merge with the core values of UWC, you will be able to not only present an explanation of your belief in the values, but also show you in action using the values to solve the problems you are presenting to the reviewer.

@Holt
Thank you for your feedback. I will be sure to implement some of your recommendations. It is getting quite hard.

One other thing. I do not know where you are from, but the aboriginal issue in Canada is beyond complex. You are probably aware, but even the brightest of scholars have not arrived at a solid solution. But one thing is extremely clear: the first steps are awareness and education (from a societal and a personal level). As for the prompt, and what I'm doing for the issue, it is exactly that. I am educating myself and making myself aware of the situation, because I cannot take action without knowing. As a youth, taking action on such a large issue is difficult. But through (re)education and awareness, I will be able to arrive at the solution faster. And that is where I can say that the UWC values will help carry me to that solution (through idealism, and international/intercultural acceptance).

What do you think?l

Again, thanks again for everything. Your help is greatly appreciated.

Hey Andrew, you are right, I am not from Canada so I am not familiar with the racial divide and problems of your country. I thank you for educating me about it. However, I still stand by the belief that simply education and awareness is all that you can do at this point. From what I can tell based upon our current conversation, you are quite involved with the issue and you are really willing to do what you can to help change the situation in your country. Now, here is my question, are you a part of this aboriginal problem? Are you part of the aborigines? If you are, then you know how the problem could be resolved sans education and awareness.

There are two other core values that could help you better portray the possible solutions you wish to enact AFTER you complete your education and awareness of the problem. No matter how hypothetical your scenario for the solutions may be, I believe that it will help you better explain the "Personal Challenge" and "Action and personal example" portion of their mission and values.

As you can see, your statement will be better helped, be more interesting, and offer a deeper insight into your beliefs and concerns if you can relate the actual actions you can possibly take to solve the problem to the reviewer. Having a solid, no matter how seemingly implausible line of action, towards the solution of the problem is vital to the application because this shows the reviewer that you are going to be able to carry on or be the embodiment of the UWC mission and values in everyday life. Good luck with your application!