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Why I want to volunteer at John Hopkins Hospital - Application Essay (200 words)



Gogeta1217 2 / 3  
Sep 3, 2010   #1
This last summer was a very interesting and revealing one. It opened my eyes to untold treasures and possibilities. It was the summer I visited Syria, and more importantly, the summer I visited my Uncle Nizar. My uncle is the head urologist at a prestigious hospital in Damascus, Syria. He offered to take me along for a couple of days to experience hospital life, as well as watch multiple surgeries up close and personal. Watching a surgery for the first time blew me away, and that experience enforced my -at the moment- after thought of going into the medical field into a definite one. I was amazed by the simple yet intricate ways by which the surgeons achieved their goals, and my uncle made sure to explain every step as he performed it. Who knows, I may end up performing those same procedures as they were taught to me by my uncle in the very near future! But this is why I truly want to intern at John Hopkins. I want to feel that sense of amazement and awe I felt shadowing those doctors in Syria.

The prompt is to write a 200 word essay on why you want to volunteer at John Hopkins.
I currently have 186 words, and can't seem to think of a good closing statement. Any suggestions?

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Sep 5, 2010   #2
If you were not so good at writing, I would make suggestions, but I think you will feel very inspired today and think of a perfect sentence. What closing sentence will linger in the reader's mind and help her feel your energy and dedication to the field of medicine?

Also, this sentence is too complex, so I'll make a change:
Watching a surgery for the first time blew me away, and that experience reinforced my tentative idea of going into the medical field, making me feel certain and confident about my plan.

:-)
jenf3r 3 / 15  
Sep 6, 2010   #3
I think you should at something like I want to feel that sense of amazement and awe I felt shadowing those doctors in Syria, I an know John Hopkins is the only place that can replicate that feeling.

Just a suggestion, good luck =)


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