'a well-educated person can survive' - Scholarship Essay-Transfer Plans

Please indicate your transfer plans and schools you would like to attend after Montgomery College, including transfer plans to the University System of Maryland, Universities at Shady Grove, or an institution in another state.

A quality education from a reputable institution can always help a person develop more. I am confident that I have chosen the most appropriate major as it suits my taste and temperate. However, there are many reasons why I have made up my mind to transfer to the University of Maryland. First and foremost of all, small classes, modern clinical facilities, and curriculum made my decision easy. This is just the program for me.

I have a young daughter, and my husband is currently in Afghanistan, so attending Montgomery College for the next two years suits my family life. The first step of my goal to be a dental hygienist will be to obtain an associate degree in general studies from Montgomery College. My plans after Montgomery College are to transfer to the University of Maryland, Baltimore campus, to obtain a Bachelors of Science in their dental hygiene program. I know this will be a lot of hard work, but I am determined to reach my goal of becoming a dental hygienist. I am really interested in the various aspects of this program and if I get a suitable place to advance further, I will certainly use up the opportunity to the maximum.

Only a well-educated person can survive in today's ultra-technological state of affairs. I am a person who believes in the power of hard work and determination. With these in hand, I am sure that I can advance further in life.

I would take out "of all" from "first and foremost of all." it sounds awkward.

maybe instead if saying "i know this will be a lot of hard work," replace "i know" with "I recognize" and avoid using the word "this" as it is vague. define what will be hard work. For example, "I recognize that my career path requires a great amount of hard work and dedication, but I am determined to reach my goal. << take out "of becoming a ental hygenist." you already stated your goal previously and restating it sounds redundant.

take the word "up" out of "I will certainly use up the opportunity to the maximum." and maybe replace "to the maximum" with something more like "I will certainly use the opportunity to its full potential.

it might be a good idea to expand on how Montgomery College is a good fit for your family life. As you read your essay ask yourself, How? and write it.

I hope I helped. Best of luck to you! :)

faithcarson
You helped alot! I really appreciate your advice!