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"If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you'll have to settle with the ordinary"-Jim Rohn



Mimo08 1 / 2  
Aug 31, 2020   #1
"If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary "- Jim Rohn

The shut down of "Maritime"



My tender mind used to look for the answer of why "Maritime" was shut down for life.

As the entrepreneur father's first child living in a small town with mother and sister, accounting, bank, deal, opportunities had always been the most friendly words. When my father sat with bank papers and other financial papers, I used to try my best to understand those. He formed a partnership business with his 2 friends called "Maritime". But somehow it suffered huge financial losses and shut down for life. Then my father had to join a job as a production manager. I could not find the answer why it collapsed and what happened with it. Rather it made me more curious to learn how to spend money properly, where it comes from, how it increases and how it moves around .This interest drove me to focus on Business Studies and the focus determined my reality.

My first dose of management and leadership experience came during my secondary school days. I was elected as the class captain and had to work for organizing trips, events, parties and collecting the contributions of parties at school. I enjoyed and turn my these responsibilities into my pride. I was making myself a perfect leader day by day. Once I participated in an event called "Advanced Leadership training" by gender justice and diversity unit of BRAC which still encourages me and has been making me exceptionally devoted, taught the thoughts of making tough decisions, healthy competitions.

Though my father passed away that year, I could overcome the uncertainty and completed my secondary education with a GPA of 5.00(scale of 5.00) and got government scholarship on my marks. I believe that if the situation is tough then I am the toughest.

My family makes me realize that my big results require big ambition. My thirst of learning about business opportunities, threats, strength and weakness has never end. Moreover, I love to research on the economies, culture and language of different countries. And that was the time when Korea caught my eye for its rapid economic growth and progressive research in such a short time. It proves Korea as an example of good leadership and unique management strategy. It made me curious about the culture and as a result I joined the cultural club of my higher secondary school. As a member of cultural club, I had been working in the management sectors of different events.

I always search for variation, respond to it and turn it in to an opportunity. Debating helps one to develop essential critical thinking skills and the ability to make reasoned. I participated in the inter-district debate competition organized by the Anti-Corruption Commission and it was the first debate competition of my life. Sad to say that my team lost. But that was not the ending. I know how to adjust my sails to reach my destination and here was the turning point. I decided to be a leader and I knew, I could be! Learned from mistakes and corrected my own mistakes. It increased my skill, strategy of convincing and made me a crowned leader of the winning team in 2 debate competitions, one of which was 1 day before my semester finals.

We know, every action has an opposite reaction. But the reaction was fair enough and I scored top marked all over the school. My final exam was coming soon. Unfortunately that year was not a good one for me, as my mother had a serious gallstone operation two months before my higher secondary examination. But I could balance my works and deal with the obstacles and still got GPA 4.42(scale of 5.00). I decided to be prepared for Global Korea Scholarship program. And I started the preparation of IELTS. But I could not register for the examination because of the pandemic. I did not give up and found out some popular and worthier English courses instead and use the quarantine time potentially.

I believe, each day is like a piece of paper that we can use to make a paper boat or learn how to make a real boat. I prefer the 2nd one. To improve my technical skill, started learning freelancing and joined a company,"Bizbond IT Ltd". Similarly I have liked to join an organization called "Muktotori" as a volunteer. The recent project of it is "smile with 2 taka". The purpose of this project is to provide food and clothing to poor children at a cost of 0.024 dollar. According to my major, my communication skill and leadership quality will make me able to earn the highest achievement and to adjust with the progressive and challenging ambience in Korea.

Point to be noted that Korea is now a preferred study place for global students because of quality education, innovation, research and boundless opportunities. Furthermore, the relationship between Korea and Bangladesh can be noticeable enough to bring a revolutionary development in international business sector. Quality of positive outlook and effective strategies are the special sector of my major which is essential to ascertain the fresh opportunities.

All that my short life has taught me cannot be listed. But I expect to gain the much stronger base of wisdom of business from my bachelor's study. That time I wanted to know the reason behind Maritime's collapsing but now I want to save many Maritimes. And time has made me ready to do the unusual.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15393  
Sep 1, 2020   #2
Are you applying for the GKS-U program? You didn't really specify what scholarship you are applying for or, what prompt you are responding to. So I am not really sure about how to direct your essay towards improvements to the content.

What I did notice is that the essay is weak in terms of connecting your motivation and experiences towards a clear college major. Your experiences do not create the idea that you have been training all your academic life for this particular course. Your interest in business does not connect with the debate club. There is no real leadership evidence in the presentarion although you mention preparing for that.

Reviewers do not really accept excuses in application letters. Remove the reference to being unable to take the language qualifying exams. You should have made some sort of reference to learning Hangul and a desire to take the TOPIK. Test along with IELTS.

It would be better for you to review the GKS-U essay requirements and then go back and write a new one. One better suited to the information requirements. You do not need the quotation at the start. Just make sure to provide the details as required by the topic instruction sheet and the essay should become better than this version.
KurekoHikari 4 / 8  
Sep 1, 2020   #3
I like the idea that you're trying to maintain a consistent theme throughout the essay about Maritime, but I believe it would be much better if you refer to it more in your essay, not just as the beginning and at the end.

Also please recheck your essay as right from the first read i could detect some serious grammatical errors, be careful with these minor mistakes as they tend to give the reader a bad impression of you being sloppy. Perhaps it would be beneficial for you to get your English teacher or someone qualified to do a reread for you
OP Mimo08 1 / 2  
Sep 2, 2020   #4
@Holt
Thank you so much..... Should I just put the information according to the requirements?
And would you please give me a hint of connecting my motivation and experience towards my major( business administration)?
OP Mimo08 1 / 2  
Sep 6, 2020   #5
letter

Should I just connect my motivation and experiences?
Please help me...Is the format perfect?


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