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Shara Fazhalia 1 / 1  
Jan 30, 2021   #1

SCHOLARSHIP application

Hello! I would be very grateful for your feedback on my essay, but I am not sure about what I should include and what I should not. Please help me with revising this and give me suggestions to make it clear. The essay should contain max. 3000 characters, but this one is too wordy. Thank you...^^

- your academic and social experiences relating to the field you want to take education
- your reason for choosing Turkey for study
- the importance of your future plans for your education and scholarship in Turkey. Explain in 3000 characters.

WHAT HAS BEEN GOING WITH THIS COUNTRY? A particular question that always popped up while my mind wandered about the immense history of Islamic civilization during the Ottoman Empire in the history book I read. previously knew just the Ayasofya, a building that stands in a repertoire of long memories representing Turkey on the cover of a book entitled "Istanbul" by Orhan Pamuk.

I see Turkey as having similarities with Indonesia as the two countries with a long history and the largest adherents of Islam in the world. Moreover, by choosing Turkey can open a multicultural bridge of studying and making friends by new cultures in the riches of the Islamic history environment in every inch of Turkey. It will be a great opportunity to improve myself socially and scientifically, especially in the Journalism sector.

Being a social studies student specializing in Sociology and History made me highly sure to push on my steps in the world of Journalism. My passion for writing and publication from a young age led me to write 15 physical books and 2 book titles published in the online media-Wattpad with a total readership of 217,000 all over 2020.

Seeing my readers' interest and their fear of starting writing drove me to create an online literacy platform called @kitadikata.id, which facilitates hundreds of young writers over Indonesia with monthly anthology book events. As a founder and editor-in-chief, it gives me priceless experiences of managing people and fully responsible for a big project. Besides, dabbling in the publishing realm grants me a direct insight into how a piece of paper could be a book. By majoring in Journalism in Turkey, I hope to deepen my knowledge through professional learning with high-quality studies offered by Turkish Universities. So I can apply what I have got directly to my community when I return to Indonesia. And what I do is not just an academic worth, but also impact many people, especially youth in the literacy field.

While studying in the Country of Anatolia, I want to expand my literacy platform and establish a publishing house that focuses on youth literacy. As I observe, in Indonesia itself, The community has not fully played a role in improving children's productive literacy ecosystem. This is because there are still few organizations engaged in literacy that are able to improve reading and publication culture in the community, especially in small cities like my city. For that reason, it is a must for me to provide a forum for Indonesia's young generation to build a positive literacy context because creating a progressive mindset must start from the literate young generation.

With the team and cooperation that I have previously formed, it will not be difficult to contribute to society even from afar. I will participate in book distribution in remote areas to provide a quality reading. Besides, while finishing my studies, I will write a travel book called "The Journey of 13000 KM Away", to give the Indonesians insight into the perspective of thinking from the many sides that I got during my life in Turkey, and introducing Turkey's plurality as a country that is a silent witness to the last and longest caliphate in the world. I believe by taking this program is not only learn about logic but also learning about life of a higher degree.

For the longer term, I would like to work with media in Indonesia and Turkey in the travel journalism sector, which focuses on tourism potential and Islamic history that has not been widely explored by the public by writing books or online publications. Moving from Indonesia and Turkey as a first step is a big goal that will greatly impact me in bridging new colors for the world of publication in Indonesia.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,317 3351  
Jan 31, 2021   #2
The first paragraph doesn't work to move the essay forward. You only created an unrelated paragraph that does not explain anything in relation to why you chose to study in Turkey, why the scholarship is important to you, or any of the other required information. To reduce your word count, totally remove that paragraph.

The essay is forgot to explain why you chose to study in Turkey. Beyond the reference to Indonesia and Turkey sharing a long history and seeing the country as a multicultural bridge, there is a failure to actually discuss how studying in Turkey will help expand your interest and educate you based on your chosen masters course. You are focusing too much on your relevant experience and background, without considering how these tie in with your interest in Turkey as the center of your education, based on your chosen masters course.
OP Shara Fazhalia 1 / 1  
Jan 31, 2021   #3
Hi, thanks for your advice! but if I may know, how to write a compelling first sentence so that readers can be interested in reading my entire essay?