Ladies and Gentlemen, Good Morning.
I'm Soha Farhin Pine from grade 7. We're all here to bid farewell to our exceptional teacher and mentor - Asma Miss. As we all know, it's gonna be the very last day of Asma Miss in this school. Yes, we're all gonna miss her, to say the least. She's one of my favourite teachers and I bet, of many other students too.
...
Asma Miss,
You may go away from us, but at the same time, you'll never be too far away. You'll be close to our hearts. Always remember that we'll keep you in our hearts forever. Goodbyes are hard, but a goodbye never means one. Who knows whether or not we'll meet again? So, be happy - take that frown away from your face!
On behalf of the whole school, I bid you farewell!
That's all from me! Good bye.
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I have been assigned to deliver a farewell speech, and this is what I've prepared. I feel that the phraseology in my work veers between formal and informal English. Note that in many places I have included unnecessary or redundant commas. Those commas actually indicate pauses that I will make while speaking. Please proofread this and suggest any improvements.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15383 Soha, when you write a farewell speech, you should focus on talking to the person and not the audience. This is your last chance to tell your teacher how she affected your life in a positive manner. Use anecdotes to highlight the kind of special relationship or kinship that you feel you have with this teacher. The current writing that you have is too automated in content. It is not interesting because you are not making it a personal message. It lacks focus because you are discussing the woman as your teacher and educator alone. For an effective farewell speech, you actually need to go deeper into your discussion. Talk about how she helped you out of a tight spot one time in school or maybe explain how she has affected your ambitions in life. Perhaps having you think about a career as educator as well.
Don't close the essay in such a curt manner. You have to deliver a more touching closing since this is the last time that you will be talking to and seeing the teacher. Try to develop a softer voice and lighter touch to closing lines. Be personable, not eager to get off the stage or end the speech.
Hi Soha, as this is the first time I'm writing an essay to you, I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum Family, we are growing faster than ever and I hope you find this website to be helpful and even more so useful to your writing projects. We do provide you with the most accurate and comprehensive feedback that will hopefully help you with the revision of your essay.
Moving back to your essay, as much as depressing farewells are, they are the signal one can see and hope as a new beginning, therefore, the farewell speech should leave the person with good memories and not something that will make them think what they've done in their life at school.
What I'm trying to say, be confident with your thoughts to the person leaving, don't say, "I think", say, "I believe", it is always good to hear positive notes but only when the notes are positively written and the inputs are firm, also, address your thoughts to the person leaving and you can say, "on behalf of everybody from this institution, I......", this will have a far more better outcome and will leave a long lasting positive impression.
Here's my revised work:
Ladies and Gentlemen, Good Morning.
I'm Soha Farhin Pine from grade 7. We're all here to bid farewell to our exceptional teacher and mentor - Asma Miss. As we all know, today will be the very last day of Asma Miss in this school. Yes, we're all gonna miss her, to say the least. She's one of my favourite teachers and I bet, the favourite of many other students too.
I believe, she's an awesome teacher who teaches her students with the utmost patience, diligence, and most importantly, with love. To find another replacement for her is very difficult. Nah, impossible!
She had been the Spelling teacher of the senior section for a year. When I was promoted to secondary school, my Spelling scores began to fall. Spelling never had seemed so difficult to me. Even after racking my brain all day long, I could not spell the long, complicated words right. They were so freaking hard to spell.
Asma Miss helped me a lot. She was a life saver. She used a brilliant technique to make spelling a whole lot easier. She showed me that all words follow a pattern. Some words end in magic e so they are pronounced in a special way. Some end in -ment, while some end in -tion. Some words begin with smaller words that don't have a meaning of their own. She taught me to separate the prefixes and suffixes from a particular word in my mind, and think simply. Because of her, my Spelling scores started increasing dramatically and at one point, I became the spelling bee of my class. Me and my parents are indebted to her. I thank her for all the good things she has done. I don't respect her only for being a teacher or a guru, but more for being the kind, loving person she is.
We, the students all love her for being such a wonderful teacher and a person. Throughout her brief stay of a little more than 2 years at DIS, she has won the hearts of many students. All the moments she has spent with us will always be treasured.
Asma Miss,
You may go away from us, but at the same time, you'll never be too far away. You'll be close to our hearts. Always remember that we'll keep you in our hearts forever. Goodbyes are hard, but a goodbye never means one. Who knows whether or not we'll meet again? So, be happy - take that frown away from your face!
On behalf of everybody from this institution, I bid you farewell!
That's all I wanted to say. Thanks for listening to me.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15383 Soha, I have some suggested adjustments to make this speech more formal. Remember, you are delivering this in school, not at a birthday party at some home or hotel venue. So the formal tone must be kept at all times as a sign of respect to your guests and listeners.
Keep the first paragraph intact but add the sentences beneath that paragraph to it as well. The message is connected so there is no need to separate it from the opening statement. However, you should remove the line that says "I believe". You are praising your teacher here so there is no need to convince other people. Just say what you mean and don't try to convince the audience. They are not there to be convinced by you statement.
@Holt, your revision is excellent. But I have some problems with that. I have to use vocabulary that is intelligible to my audience. All the students, as well as teachers, will be present. The junior students (say, Preschool toddlers to the 3rd graders) will not understand my speech if I speak in your way. I have to make the speech simple, to-the-point, and brief. Above all, it should sound heartfelt and kind.
Putting that aside, I heart your revision. Making the technique a secret between me and my teacher eliminates the need to explain it. It is a fine idea and I am going to implement it in my speech.