I would like some pointers and tips on how to improve my essay. The directions for the essay is as follows:
"Please describe your past academic experiences and your reasons for wishing to enroll to Maryland at this point in your academic career. Students who have been out of school for several years, or who have a personal circumstance that affected performance, may wish to address that situation in their essay. Your essay should be no more than 300 words."
This is what I have so far~
During my fourth year of high school, I joined an information technology design competition. Representing the school was a spur of the moment decision; however, I considered the challenge as a learning opportunity and a way to test my abilities. Despite the constant pressure, the competition inspired me to pursue a course that brought out my love for code, design and logic. I entered the University of Santo Tomas in order to broaden my view in my study of Computer Science. *Despite running into math subjects which I had not taken in high school such as calculus or trigonometry, I was determined to overcome them with my motivation, diligence and self-study. By the end of my second year of college, I am proud to say that I was one of the four students in my class of forty who passed that strenuous Calculus II subject.
(*I had 2 maths subjects which has a passing grade in my transcript. It is true that i had only encountered them for the first time in college*)
When I was given the choice to stay in the Philippines or continue my education in the University of Maryland C.P., I came to realize that my former university did not have the major that I was looking for. My previous university's program was more business oriented while I sought after a more software development and security based program. While researching, I was thrilled to discover that UMCP offered its students the chance to work with professors in independent research or study. By attending UMCP, I hope to deepen my knowledge in cyber security and software development while gaining work or project related experiences. I also plan to participate and volunteer in the CPIC program the university has and eventually take a master's related degree in graduate's school.
I am excited to meet the academic challenges that UMCP has to offer and I am adamant that I will grow under the university's guidance and direction.
Please note that I had already two years of college experience. Any contextual or grammatical help will be much appreciated. Thank you in advance!
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,250 4653
Catherine, since you already have 2 years college experience, you should be reflecting upon that experience in your essay instead. Your high school experience is null and void at this point because your essay already discusses the parts of your college education that led to your eventual decision to transfer to UMCP. As a transfer student, the focus of the attention of the reviewer will be on your college qualifications for transfer. Your high school academic coverage isn't as important because what they are looking for now, is a previous college based academic foundation that will allow you to seamlessly transfer from your current major at the University of Santo Tomas to your chosen transfer major at UMCP.
When you begin to speak of the reasons that you chose UMCP to transfer to, try not to have your reasons based on research alone. Surely there were some other reasons prior to research that had you considering UMCP. Perhaps you know some alumnus or you had a chance to visit the campus during a visit to the US? Regardless, you should never base your choice of university on just "research". I would avoid using that term and instead, focus on the academic profile of the university as the reason for opting to transfer there. Think of the reason why you are dissatisfied at your current university. Why do you want to focus on software development and security program? Expand upon that explanation and then determine why only UMCP can help you achieve your future plans. Don't present any plans for MS studies at this point. Your focus should solely be on successfully transferring to the university.