Academics and community. Who or What influenced you to apply to Syracuse? 250 word cap

Why I choose study at Syracuse?

When I realized I wanted to work with the FBI as an Intelligence Analyst, I immediately knew to stay away from the DC schools. Attending a University in DC would be beneficial, however, every college student in the area is striving for the same aspirations. To end up on Capitol Hill, or intern with the Supreme Court. I knew I needed to be in a place where my potential was recognized. Syracuse offers a Dual Major program, allowing me to study Political Science at the Maxwell School and Public Relations at the Newhouse School. In addition, the Maxwell School offers a Washington Semester Program; working as an intern in DC provides me a first-hand experience in both international and domestic policy. Despite Syracuse not being in the center of political reform they still attain all the endless opportunities.

Academics is not the only thing to consider when choosing my college. I wanted to be apart of a community that fostered growth. Syracuse has 25 different "Learning Communities" geared towards your interest. Being surrounded by other students with the same passion will create a environment that motivates me to excel. The commitment Syracuse has made to focus on diversity and inclusivity enhances the possibility for me to transition from the 100-degree heat in Florida, to the 15-degree snow in Syracuse; I know I will feel at home.

Luchiano, the first paragraph perfectly summarizes your reasons for attending Syracuse over the DC school. You did an excellent job of presenting the logical reasons for your university choice. I wish that you had made the same type of strong impact in the second paragraph where you spoke of the other reasons for your university choice.

First up, please remember that "a part of" is different from "apart". Based on the phrase meaning, "A part of" means to become a member of or to join a group. When one says "apart" the meaning of the word changes to "separating from" rather than "becoming a member of". You need to be careful about how you spell that word. A lot of people make that mistake in word usage and it really distorts the meaning of the sentence.

Rather than just saying Syracuse has 25 learning communities, be more specific. Discuss which communities you hope to become a part of (see what I did there? I made you an inclusive part of the community instead of a separate part) so that your decision to attend the university gets a clearer additional detail. You will develop an academic reason and motivation for learning since you can gear your learning towards your specific interests.

By clearing your references up, you will achieve 3 goals. The first will be to indicate your training and internship reasons for attending the university. The second, will clarify your learning goals. The third and last part will highlight how you want to combine all of your academic and professional goals under one roof, in a community that you know you will be comfortable both learning and living in.

Thank you! Really appreciated the grammatical comment and the part to be more specific about the learning communities. Glad I can get a second pair of eyes/criticism.