"I can accomplish any melody" - common app short answer

briefly elaborate on one of your e.c.a. or work experiences

I'm caught in an intense whirlpool of emotions-joy, anger, sadness and profound peace- when I listen to a sitar being played. Coupled with my enthusiasm and determination, I decided to learn the sitar.

Being a novice sitarist, my fingers do not ...

thank you! could also please help me out with a title for this if possible?

I think this needs a lot of revision. Seems like some of sentences thrown together with little flow.

For example, I would have wrote the first paragraph like me.
When I listen to a sitarist play, I often find myself caught in an intense whirlpool of emotions - joy, anger, sadness, and even profound peace. This intrigued me. The (something, can't find the right word) coupled with my enthusiasm and determination eventually persuaded me to learn to play the sitar.

Also, I'm unsure if the prompt is asking about your entire eca experience. It seems to ask about one particular experience. Perhaps another EFer can assist me on this. However, revising your essay - I would make the following small grammar revisions

I'm caught in an intense whirlpool of emotions - j oy, anger, sadness and profound peace - when I listen to a sitar being played. Coupled with my enthusiasm and determination, I decided to learn to play sitar.

Being a novice sitarist, my fingers do not bear the same force or rapidity as that of a maestro's. However, I believe that mastering the simplest exercises along with strong basics, I can accomplish any melody. As I perfect a tune or synschronize my music to that of another satirist's , I would learn vital lessons in patience and teamwork as I perfect a tune or synchronize my music to that of another sitarist's. (Move to front) Also, I ceaselessly question my teacher with regarding the sitar itself (Delete) . Thus I'm slowly developing an appreciation for the instrument as well as for the music wrought on it.

Most importantly, I am uniting a passion with a medium through which I can uniquely express my motley of thoughts and sensations as I experience them.

Thanks Daniel. I realised that I didnt like the previous version too much when I re-read it a couple of times after I had posted it. I hope this one does a better job though.

As I sit in my sitar class, the music my teacher plays evokes an intense whirlpool of emotions- joy, sadness, anger and profound peace.

As the youngest novice, my fingers still lack the same force or rapidity to conjure such exquisite expressions. Often, as I fumble over the simplest exercises, I grit my teeth in frustration. But my resolve, coupled with my teacher's patience and fellow sitarist's cheerful encouragements, prompts me to go back to square one and steadily work towards perfecting my lessons. Sometimes, I like to question my teacher regarding the sitar itself; I am growing an appreciation for the instrument as well as the music wrought on it.

Most importantly, my delight in learning to play the sitar overcomes any setbacks I face as I slowly learn to tinge my music with my unique motley of thoughts and sensations.

Hey, do they intend for you to expound various work or ECA??? Are you supposed to cover only one, or should you intertwine them in an essay that presents them as a meaningful collage? You write so well and revise so effortlessly, I thought I would ask...

The theme of teeth gritting patience and going back to square one when necessary is cool... but it should be developed more. The general idea of this essay is very, very simple -- too simple to do justice to your deep-thinking mind. (I can tell you go very deep in your thinking because of the way you write, and because you are involved with music!) Hit the reader's mind hard. Cause her/him to reconsider something.

Title - " My Love for the Sitar"

i am meant to write on only ONE eca OR work experience and thank u for ur comments :). i tried to improve on it.do tell me wat u think.

@christina- thank u :)..simple titles sometimes convey way more than complex, "oh so philosophical", abstract ones.

it's simple, but simple doesn't mean bad. you don't need to put deep philosophy in everything you write, especially when it's the CA short answer.

the point of the short answer is to discover more about you, your passion, what you have done, and such. It has to be personal, but not necessarily showing your entire personality. It's too short for that, plus that's what the long essay is for.

I like your story and how you tie this to your character, but i don't think that your point is to simply say that you're a person who doesn't give up.


this is your central thesis, yet it doesn't echo with your intro.

Instead, you should freely write about this passion of yours, and keep talking about how you love it and your feelings toward it. I mean, that's what your intro conveys, a passion for sitar instigated by your emotions.

btw, why do you need to give it a title?

i wanted a title so that i could some up the writing nicely.and although the short answer is to discover who i am but at the same time...it also gives me room to reflect on what i have learnt along the waywhen i followed up on a job or eca...a chance to be introspective while showing my passion...i'm trying to achieve that..

yes, but your intro doesn't echo with your conclusion, unless you mention the difficulties in the intro.

As I sit in my sitar class, the music my teacher plays evokes a whirlpool of emotions- joy, sadness, anger and profound peace.

As the youngest novice, I grit my teeth in exasperation when my fingers fumble over the simplest exercises. But then I realize that I'm magnifying a hitch. Backed by my teacher's patience and fellow sitarist's cheerful encouragements, I resolutely go back to square one and steadily work towards perfecting my lessons. I love to question my teacher regarding the sitar itself: I want to appreciate the instrument as well as the music wrought on it.

As I joyfully learn to tinge my music with my unique motley of thoughts and sensations, I am hopeful that one day my fingers too will move with the same force and rapidity as my teacher's to create sublime expressions.

very nice.

i personally don't regard the short answer as highly important; your answer definitely is above the requirements and i really think it'll help you. it provides an insightful element of your life that you might not be able to fit anywhere else.

Feel free to ignore my question: what school are you applying to? except skidmore that is.

thank u yang, I really appreciate your help.

I'm also applying to mt holyoke,trinity university, hobart and william smith as well as elmira. unfortunately i'm still wavering over my decision to apply to vassar.

wat about u? wat other places are u applying to other than cornell?

btw yang i'm not done yet...i'm going to turn into a parasitic creature and expect u to help me out with a few other essays as well VERY soon:P

how did you know i was applying to cornell?

well i'm waiting now for EA mit, uchicago, umich
RD: harvard, UT, TAMU, duke, cornell, upenn, northwestern

i kinda expect to only get in a few of these, but we'll see.

why else wud u write an essay for cornell? :P

Uchicago! I Like!well best of luck with them :). maybe i'll run into u someday at either harvard or uchicago when i'm doing my masters or phd. :P