"Work Experience at El Oro Cattle Feeders"- Common App Short Answer

This is the Common App short answer question. I'm not really sure if I should use this yet but thank you in advance for your comments and suggestions! :)

I felt the scorching sun beating down on my burnt back. I heard my boss say, "Jessie only five hundred more cows to go!", already 10 hours into my shift. Even though it was grueling, I learned a lot from working at El Oro Cattle Feeders. I learned the value of hard work. Everything can't be handed to you in life. You must go out there and obtain it yourself. I also learned how to work with people different than myself. I believe this is very important because this is how it will be at a university. However the most important thing I learned from this job is that I want to become more than just a person who works at a fast food restaurant or who works in the fields. I want to go above and beyond even my own expectations. College is the first vital step.

Already ten hours into my shift, I heard my boss say...

Everythingwill not be handed to you in life. You must go out there and obtain it yourself.

... very important because this isthe atmosphere at a university. However, the most important thing I learned from this job is that I want to become more than just a person who works at a fast food restaurant employee or someone who works in the fields.

College is the first vital step in that process .

Good start! Keep working and editing. Add more details if you have word count space.

Thank you very much for your corrections! But yeah its only supposed to be a max of 150 words

I like the essay! It shows how you grew and learned an important lesson!

Two corrections are:
"I felt the scorching sun beat down on my burnt back."

"Even though the work was grueling..."
It was ambiguous.

Overall, very good! Best of luck to you! (: