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"act to prevent tragedies it in the future" - Princeton Essay


em2always 15 / 79  
Oct 29, 2010   #1
PRINCETON: Using a quote tell about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world

In Gandhi An Autobiography: The Story of My Experiments with Truth, Gandhi writes "Be the change you want to see in the world." If there was one thing I could change about my community it would be to stop reckless driving.

Romulus, New York. A place where people take their goats on walks and chickens cross the roads daily. A place where caution signs warn not against bridges ahead, but against Amish buggies. A place where exercise is difficult as every time you try to walk somewhere, a kind neighbor pulls over to offer you a ride. This epitome of country living, my home, is also known for something else, however. All too often, Romulus, NY is a place where teenagers drive carelessly, speeding on the back roads, texting, and blaring the radio.

In my high school of less than 120 people, car accidents are common. A senior died two years ago from driving drunk and the superintendent's son died a month later from speeding. Dangerous driving has affected my own life as well. I have been on dates where "Let's see what this baby can do" is practically a pick up line and zooming off in an Audi is meant to impress. On the way back from a National Honor Society banquet, I was riding home with a member, who decided to go ninety miles an hour. Despite my screaming for him to stop, he started laughing and swerving over the double yellow line. At school the next day he joked, "What's more fun than speeding?" and conversations about the incident turned to sexual innuendo rather than his inexcusable behavior. With a combination of my own experience, the fatalities around me and my parent's counsel, I felt motivated to do something.

I started a safe teen driving movement in Seneca County to stop teens from driving dangerously. My next door neighbor, who owns a towing company, donated a smashed truck from a drunk driving accident. The month of August became "Don't Drive Dumb" month as the truck traveled to schools in the county and was displayed for a week. By the truck was a sign that said "Don't Drive Dumb." My hope was that by having the direct product of reckless driving on display, the message that driving is not a game would reach teens. When the truck returned to Romulus High for the first week of school, local news in Rochester was there to witness the event. I also created a website, dontdrivedumb.info, which in conjunction with widespread media coverage will hopefully spark activism in other teenagers to create similar projects in their hometowns.

Too often, flowers and teddy bears surround our telephone poles as memorials to a family's loss. The public's initial reaction, when seeing something like this is usually "Aw" and "What a terrible tragedy." While this response is natural, I encourage people to think not only of the sadness, but how to act to prevent it in the future.
turntablespp 6 / 41  
Oct 29, 2010   #2
Very well written!
only edit:
In my high school of less than 120 people, car accidents are common. (Why mention the amount of kids?, I think you shout cut that out).

can you read my common app essay?
OP em2always 15 / 79  
Oct 29, 2010   #3
i was trying to contrast how its a small town..not a lot to do but speed
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 6, 2010   #4
Use a comma for a compound sentence:
A senior died two years ago from driving drunk, and the superintendent's son died a month later from in an accident that involved speeding. -----a comma goes before the conjunction.

In the paragraph that involves dating and speeding, I think it might be better to use an objective perspective instead of making it about your personal experiences. If that section was written as observation rather than personal experience it would have more... credibility? I'm not sure if that is the right word.

I also created a website, dontdrivedumb.info, which in conjunction with widespread media coverage will hopefully spark activism in other teenagers to create similar projects in their hometowns.---Awesome. I wish you could mention this in the intro. It would be very impressive if part of the theme of the essay was to promote the website. Very impressive.
ericao2010 12 / 32  
Jan 4, 2011   #5
Emily!

This is a very well-written essay. I liked how you started off by giving a "summary of statistics" of the town you are from. Very Well Done!
mimiallen 4 / 8  
Jan 4, 2011   #6
This essay is well written.
By the truck was a sign that said "Don't Drive Dumb." - I think this sentence should be deleted or you can alter with the sentence before it.

How about this
The month of August became "Don't Drive Dumb" month as the truck, which had "don't drive dumb" on the side traveled to schools in the county and was displayed for a week.


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