Never have debated before high school, I trembled with fear in voice at my first appearance on a debate stage. Nevertheless, when I kept on the track, I found it enabled me not only to speak fluently in public, but also to approach problems critically and comprehensively. Having to react and express within seconds, I also acquired an acute intelligence, which kind of gave me a bright temperament in appearance.
After entering the school debate team, I was given demanding tasks, and was planned to be cultivated into the best girl debater in the team. However, since my coach was so strict and seldom smiling, I couldn't relieve my nervousness and was embarrassed if I let him down. It affected my training, to some extent. At last, I told him my worries, and he gradually gave more encouragement. So from my debate experience, I also learnt that it's vital to communicate with colleagues and never let personal emotions muddle the job.
THANKS AND CRITICAL COMMENTS WELCOME!
Never having debated before high school, I trembled with fear in voice atduring my first appearance on a debate stage.
Having to react and express ideas within seconds, I also acquired a new kind of focus , which kind of gave me a bright temperament in appearance.
...I was given demanding tasks, and was teachers planned to refine me into the best girl debater in the team.
Hey, that is a strong finish! Great job.
Thanks! I'm so happy!
But I don't understand why it should be 'and was teachers planned to refine me into the best girl debater in the team', could I turn it into 'and the teachers planned to...'? Thanks!
"Never have debated before high school, I trembled with fear in voice at my first appearance on a debate stage. Nevertheless, when I kept on the track, I found it enabled me not only to speak fluently in public, but also to approach problems critically and comprehensively. Having to react and express within seconds, I also acquired an acute intelligence, which kind of gave me a bright temperament in appearance."
This is difficult for several reasons. A lot of people think that intelligence is changeable by effort. It isn't. It stays constant. You already had the intelligence.
Bright temperament in appearance? What does that mean, exactly?
I think you've got something good here, but it needs some more work. Stay away from vocabulary you don't normally use. It's easy to tell that you don't use it when you do that.
I will take Kevin's advice and change 'intelligence' to ' a new kind of focus'. What about that？
temperament, as I thought of it, meant the overall feeling you give to others when they look at you. a college professor, without telling others that he is a professor, could make others feel that he is knowledgeable. What is the best word for that? I want to express 'I make others feel I'm bright and acute in thinking, which is reflected in my appearance, actions and talking'.
Thanks so much! Which other words are inappropriate? I will work on them.
We sometimes use 'aura' for that knowing what someone is by the way they carry themselves. In your case it would be an aura of confidence.
Thanks so much!
Is there anything more that needs to be corrected? If not I will use it.