Write about previous commendable experience, any extracurricular activities you hope to pursue after graduation ( 600 words )
In my high school there are many activities to choose and they are all having a lot of benefits in it. One of the activities that I joined is the school's Junior Red Cross, or we usually call it "PMR" or Palang Merah Remaja with 17 of my friends. The reason why I joined the school's Junior Red Cross is because I wanted to help people when they needed and become very helpful to the society. In the Junior Red Cross I become the co-leader, which means I assisted the leader to lead the other member and also responsible for the whole member of the junior Red Cross in my school.
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Hi Royalitas, I cannot comment your content as you did not mention in what occasion you write such an essay. However, I will give suggestions in order grammatical issues.
In my high school there are many activities to choose and they are allcompletely having a lot of benefits inbenefits ofit. One of the activities that I joined is(your tenses use) the school's Junior Red Cross, or we usually call itit is commonly known as "PMR" or Palang Merah Remaja with 17 of my friends. The reason why I joined the school's Junior Red Cross is because I wanted to help people whenthey needed and become very helpful to the society(bad flow, I suggest you to rewrite this) . In the Junior Red Cross I becomebecametheaco-leadervice chairman, which means. Consequently, I assisted the leader(I know what you mean, but I think it will be easy to read if you make it clear) to lead the other membersand also(redundant idea) responsible for the whole members of the junior Red Cross in my school.
When I was engaging in the Junior Red Cross in the second year of my High School, I participated in a competition called "JUMBARA"; it is a competition that was held for 5 days for all member of the Junior Red Cross from all schools in the same region and there were a hundreds of Students from Elementary schools to Senior high Schools that joined the competition. Teamwork is the most important thing in the competition, without teamwork we would not be able to achieve anything in the competition. Luckil, we got the 15th place from hundreds of school in the region, we did our best and it was one unforgettable experience. Not only thatWhat is more, I joined Junior Red Cross, I was also a member of the Student Council in my school and it wasn't was not easy to be a student council in my school. When I gothave been elected, I was very happy to hear the announcement, I couldn't be happier and I'm very proud toof myself. I was in charge of the Male's Dormitory taking some aspiration from some of theseveral male students and gave it to the Head of the Dorm, held a school competition, and participated as a committee in some of the events that held by one of the member of Student Council. Being the member of the student council had a lot of impact on memyself , it teaches(your tenses use) me how to organize an event and how to make everything goes as planned by discussing it inwith groups and making decisions as fast as possibleimmediately.
If I got admitted in APU(you should explain what is APU) I would like to join as many extracurricular activities as I can even if I never join those extracurricular activities before anyway(bad expression for writing) , for me having to learn something new could widenimprove / gain my knowledge and learning some new skills. If I have to pick between so many extracurricular activities perhaps, I would choose scuba diving and wonder Vogel extracurricular activities because I lovethe water and nature,. At the first timeI was scuba diving is(double verbs) when I was in Bali (you should mention time reference) . Scuba Diving for meis very exciting; I could(your tenses are not consistent) see so manya great number of fishes with their beautiful colors and the beautyfulof coral reefs. I also have also climbed several mountains back in Indonesia, it was very refreshing and seeing the forest just makes(bad flow) me want to go back and climb those mountains again even though it wasn'twas not that easy.
When I graduated from APU, my plan for the future is to find a decent job in a marketing company looking for (need an article here ) experience in japan itself orperhaps in other countries around japan like Korea or any other countries around Asia(bad flow) . The reason why I'm looking for jobs outside my country Indonesia is because that after I got lots of experiences by working in a foreign country, I will go back to my country to improve its working system from my experience and knowledge that I got from APU and by working in foreign country.
I hope you do not mind as I give many strikes in your writing. Moreover, I hope you can give me a thumb (like) if you think that it is useful for you.
thanks :)
KEEP SPIRIT, KEEP WRITING.
