Admission Essay (Boston University) - its environment attracts me

i'm having trouble writing my supplement essay for BU. the topic is what made me chose BU.

it is what i have so far; i no there is mistakes.

Just a few months ago was the first time that I came across Boston University. One of the representatives came to Massapequa High School for a private meeting; I never had an interest in the school but I took away critical information that day.

What attracts me to Boston University is its environment: both physically and academically, coming from Massapequa a small town on Long Island I knew that I wanted to go to school in a largely populated area. As the representative started to talk about the school I discovered that University offers many different majors that aren't commonly found. Students are given great opportunities for interning not only domestically but internationally as well. The opportunity for interning for top companies will allow me to experience the work environment while still continuing my studies. Located in the heart of Boston and just a couple of hours away from New York City will allow me to occasionally travel home but also allow me to experience the culturally diverse city. With numerous advantages for students to travel, the study abroad program will offer me the multi-cultured experience that I always dreamt of being apart and that the other universities couldn't offer. Academically the school is ranked as one of the nation's top schools, which is an important factor in the decision-making process.

Cool, I thought about going to BU but decided to go to UT-Austin. First of all, what's the question? It sounds good so far but I think knowing the question would help me and others critique it.

oh srry!

Topic: Students consider many different factors when applying to college. Briefly discuss who or what influenced your decision to apply to Boston University.

Have you written more yet? Thanks for posting the question. Hmm...I would suggest making it a little more personal. But that's just a suggestion, I think you're on the right track.

...critique mine if you have the chance.

Just a few months ago, I discovered the significance of Boston University for my academic future. One of the school's representatives came to Massapequa High School for a private meeting, and I took away critical information on that day. Now write about the most important factors that make BU better than other schools, which will be the focus of this essay.

What attracts me to Boston University is its environment: The school has an atmosphere of relaxed focus. Coming from Massapequa (a small town on Long Island) I knew that I wanted to go to school in a largely populated area. As the representative started to talk about the school I discovered that University offers many different majors that aren't commonly found. Students are given great opportunities for interning not only domestically but internationally as well. The opportunity for interning for top companies will allow me to experience the work environment while still continuing my studies.

Studying in the heart of Boston and just a couple of hours away from New York City will allow me to occasionally travel home but also allow me to experience the culturally diverse city. With numerous advantages for students to travel, the study abroad program will offer me the multi-cultured experience that I always dreamt of being apart and that the other universities couldn't offer. Academically the school is ranked as one of the nation's top schools, which is an important factor in the decision-making process.

I separated the paragraphs a little. Now, keep a clear idea about the purpose of each paragraph, and finish it up. Good luck!

:)

Kevin