UT admissions personal essay "alcoholism"

THIS IS THE TOPIC:
Choose an issue of importance to you - the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope - and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

THIS IS MY ESSAY: :)
Statistics have shown that over eighteen million Americans are addicted to some from of alcohol. In today's society alcohol is strategically advertised towards younger crowds by showing that it is socially acceptable. I know first hand that drinking is not glamorous when it leads to addiction or harms others.

For years both of my parents have struggled with alcohol addiction. The promise of love and guidance never seemed to pertain to my parents and I. With the affects of alcohol subduing my parents' brains, a lot of life decisions were left in my hands. Knowing that life is full of opportunity, I surrounded myself with loving friends as well as their families to assist in the pursuance of my life goals. Though countless occasions of violence and mismanaged decisions from my parents seemed to extinguish parts of my life, a part of me will always be there to lend a helping hand and show nothing but unconditional love for the both of them. "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you". (Colossians 3:13)

In most circumstances the youth of my generation does not have to endure the plague of alcoholism, yet alcohol seems to play a major part in our lives. Throughout my six years in high school and college I experienced many of my peers trying to be socially accepted by drinking, myself included. Every day on average 11,318 American youth, ages twelve to twenty, try alcohol for the first time. In all we consider the abuse of alcohol to be fun. Yet if we do not realize the bigger picture of life we can exceed no further. The decisions we make now can alter our future forever. If my generation finds some form of comfort in alcohol then we will be no better than my parents are today.

In all alcohol denies the world of opportunities to fulfill life to its abounding potential. The tribulations I have had to endure through my life has given me knowledge to better myself as a person. If my generation intends to improve the world then we must not let consequential decisions such as alcohol allude us from our goals. Together we CAN make a difference and inspire the world to be better for years to come.

Statistics have shown that over eighteen million Americans are addicted to some fromform of alcohol. In today's society alcohol is strategically advertised towards younger crowds by showing that it is socially acceptable. I know first hand that drinking is not glamorous when it leads to addiction or harms others.

For years both of my parents have struggled with alcohol addiction. The promise of love and guidance never seemed to pertain to my parents and Ime . With the affectseffects of alcohol subduing my parents' brains, a lot of life decisions were left in my hands. Knowing that life is full of opportunity, I surrounded myself with loving friends as well as their families to assist in the pursuancepursuit of my life goals. Though countless occasions of violence and mismanaged decisions from my parents seemed to extinguish parts of my life, a part of me will always be there to lend a helping hand and show nothing but unconditional love for the both of them. "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you". (Colossians 3:13)

In most circumstances the youth of my generation doesdo not have to endure the plague of alcoholism, yet alcohol seems to play a major part in our lives. Throughout my six years inof high school and college I experienced many of my peers tryingattempts to be socially accepted by drinking, myself included. Every day on average 11,318 American youth, ages twelve to twenty, try alcohol for the first time. In allFor some reason we consider the abuse of alcohol to be fun. Yet if we do not realize the bigger picture of life we can exceed no further. The decisions we make now can alter our future forever. If my generation finds some form of comfort in alcohol then we will be no better than my parents are today.

In all Alcohol denies the world of opportunities to fulfill life to its abounding potential. The tribulations I have had to endure through my life hashave given me knowledge to better myself as a person. If my generation intends to improve the world then we must not let consequential decisions such as alcohol allude(not what this word means) us from our goals. Together we CAN make a difference and inspire the world to be better for years to come.

I'm not sure about this essay. It sounds overly goody-goody and rings with phoniness. Mentioning the first time you tried getting drunk is probably not a good idea. Also, unless this is a religously affliated school, you probably shouldn't quote a bible verse. Statistics like this:

"Every day on average 11,318 American youth, ages twelve to twenty, try alcohol for the first time."
add nothing to the essay and are just filler material. You used some words incorrectly or used the wrong homophone of a word. Basic spelling and grammar mistakes will look really bad.

This is a bit harsher than I would have been, but I can understand the comment, and am not surprise your essay provoked it. You seem, by and large, to be indicating that you believe that alcohol use = abuse. Given the experience you seem to have had with your parents, this is perhaps understandable. However, it is not a popular or widely shared view. For instance, you say


Did you know that 73% of statistics are made up? More importantly, do you know that "addiction" is a very vague term that has no agreed upon meaning. There are certainly some people who are clearly addicted to alcohol, but without defining the term, your statistic is meaningless.


This really means "People consider the use of alcohol at levels that *you* consider to be abusive to be fun," which isn't the same thing at all. Some studies indicate up to 90% of Americans drink alcohol on at least semi-regular basis. So, you have a 9 in 10 chance that your reader will drink occasionally, and a better than even chance that he or she likes drinking. Criticizing your readers' habits is not a great way to win their support.

Perhaps you could talk more about the need to fight alcoholism itself, rather than drinking as a social phenomenon?

you should explain how alcohal greatly affected you and what ways are great to prevent alcoholism. so far so good though keep it up!