The Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.
Hi this is one of my FSU admissions essays, would you please critique it and give me soem feedback, be much appreciated, thank you.
Strong Character, Customs, and Traditions symbolize the import structure and balance of the Latin word, "Mores". Honesty, Integrity, Fortitude and Individuality are the strong walls that surround my life and keep it standing strong. These walls have held me together through many trials and tribulations in my life. By instilling these important values I a sound intellect that I can overcome anything. Life is a climb, but once you overcome the tribulations you always get to where you are going, never give up and keep pushing. Honesty is what gives me the strength to speak my mind; not be afraid to speculate my thoughts, right or wrong. Fortitude and individuality are the main building blocks needed to keep it standing through anything in life. I have a strong, positive mind and I always give my 100% all in everything I do and I never give up. My family has always told me "If you keep a good head on your shoulders and have great determination you can accomplish anything and go anywhere in life". My individuality is what makes me a strong, poised, independent woman. As long as I know I put my all into what I do and I did my best, that's all I need; knowing that I accomplished something and didn't give up is all I need to succeed. From being a Ward of the State to becoming a part of the English family, I have adapted extremely well. My strongest characteristic is fitting in anywhere because of my strong, confident personality. I know I will become accustomed very well as a student at Florida State University due to the fact that I can adapt to a family as well as I did. Customs and Traditions are very vital in my life as well. Being the first out of my Biological family to graduate college and get an education will be a great accomplishment for me. The customs and traditions I have experienced have influenced my life in many ways. As a child, to developing into a young woman I still go to church every Sunday and attend Midnight mass every Christmas as a family ritual. We have many family traditions that I will keep instilled in my own family. Having celebrated all these family rituals I have also learned that I as I grow, I will create new ones with my own family. Also carrying the traditions at Florida State University and the skills I establish at the school. I will bring my 100% all to Florida State University, never giving up when times get rough, keeping a strong positive mind that I can and will accomplish anything in school and become an intelligent successful young woman.
"By instilling these important values I a sound intellect that I can overcome anything."
Change this to what you were trying to say, maybe I've gained a sound intellect...
"Fortitude and individuality are the main building blocks needed to keep it standing through anything in life."
Are you referring to the building, people in general, or your own life? I would change it to "withstand anything in life."
"From a child to developing into a young woman, I still go to church every Sunday and attend Midnight mass every Christmas as a family ritual."
"I will give my all, 100%, when attending Florida State University..."
Strong Character, Customs, and Traditions symbolize the import structure and balance of the Latin word
There is a lot wrong with this part. They should not be capitalized; they do not symbolize but instead are symbolized; "structure and balance" do not really have any meaning here.
Don't write "speculate my thoughts," because to speculate is to think or speak about what might happen. Just write "speculate" without including "my thoughts."
Being the first out of my Biological family to ---does this mean you have a family member that graduated but you still want to play the "first in my family to graduate" card? I think maybe it is a cliche to talk about being the first in the family to go to college.
You should think of a theme that you WANT to express... an idea you want to share. Then, use this prompt about the virtues as an opportunity to write about a concept you can feel passionate about. You are challenged to use one of the Latin words, but you can make the essay ABOUT something different. Make it about a distinct theme that you want the reader to associate with you.
:-)
