IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - People should follow the customs and traditions of foreign places

People should follow the customs and traditions when they start to live in a new country.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Opinions are divided on whether it is necessary for new inhabitants to follow customs and traditions when they decide to live in a new place or not. Although the response to this practice could be justified, I completely agree with this view.

If customs and traditions in a new nation are not followed, immigrants will witness many troubles in their real life. Looking first at operating a business, entrepreneurs who live and start up in a new land will be successful whenever they follow the customs. Additionally, customs and traditions help their business distinguish the market sectors, which is an opportunity for them to keep customers and win with other competitors. The other problem is that people may incidentally take illegal actions. For example, spit gum in any public places in Singapore must be punished with a huge amount of money.

On the other hand, citizens have a wide range of beneficial effects if they get used to following local customs, related to respect and social isolation. With regard to the former, when people show respect for the local way, they will bond closer to the local citizens. This can lead to greater integration and mutual understanding. Secondly, newcomers can participate in community life so that they can avoid social isolation. There are a large number of events belonging to the new country such as festivals and holidays in which immigrants can attend.

In conclusion, new inhabitants have a variety of advantages if they choose to follow the customs and traditions when beginning to live in a new land. However it would not be easy but I completely agree with this opinion.

You have understood the task and followed the required discussion format. There is only a slight problem with your second reasoning paragraph. You should not be saying "On the other hand" when you are continuing to support your discussion point of view. That phrase is used when you are going to discuss a counter opinion. If you are going to continue a supporting discussion, then say so. Do not confuse the reader. Using misleading phrases will affect your LR and GRA score. Aside from that error, the essay itself is strong enough. The grammar is not perfect but it is coherent enough for a native speaker to understand. The word count is also just right to score better. I would suggest you try to spend some time editing your work next time before you submit it for a grade.