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Aftermath of my Accident/ My grades ; Common App



zdv 12 / 68  
Jan 3, 2013   #1
hey everyone. this is my extra essay through which i am telling of the accident i had during my finals. please check it and help me. Any feedback is appreciated and i will help you with yours. :)

The Aftermath of an Accident
I could see the floor nearing up to me. With every millisecond that passed, I knew I was doomed. Everything seemed to have slowed in pace until I reached the ground and banged my head. For a second I was amazed that I was still conscious, so I stood up and told everyone I was fine. I took my hand off of my head, and that is when I realized I had not been so lucky. Blood trickled down my hands and my head and at this sight, I started losing consciousness.

During my IB final exams, I was met with an accident. I fell of a certain height and landed on my head. However the injury was not very bad and a few stitches with some dose of medicine were all that were required. My nightmare began when the tetanus injection I received started causing reactions. I started having fever and food poisoning. My arm where I received the injection swelled to a point that it almost looked disfigured. Continuous vomiting did not allow me to study for the exams I had. I lost my appetite. And since there was a strike, which is occurs frequently in my country, we were living in school and I had to deal with all of this by myself.

All the preparations I had made for my finals came of no use as at the last moment, I could not concentrate on revising. The anti-biotic would force me to sleep without my desire. Even if I managed to stay up all night and study for the exams the next day, my vomiting, which did not stop even when I was in the examination hall would deviate my concentration. The pain in my head and my arms were not too merciful either.

For this reason, I believe my grades do not represent my full potential. I worked hard for my finals but due to the accident I could not do as well as I knew I could. I retook my Biology exam later this year but could not retake others because the price was too high. Therefore, I would appreciate it if you did not entirely focus on my final grades or agree to look at my predicted grades because these grades do not demonstrate what I am capable of.

moon05 13 / 132  
Jan 3, 2013   #2
And since there was a strike, which is occurs frequently in my country, we were living in school and I had to deal with all of this by myself.

So who are this we?

I worked hard for my finals but due to the accident I could not do as well as I knew I could.

Though this sentence does make a meaning in one sense, I think it has problem

Therefore, I would appreciate it if you did not entirely focus on my final grades or agree to look at my predicted grades because these grades do not demonstrate what I am capable of.

You should say AND

The pain in my head and my arms were not too merciful either.

I feel sorry for you that you had to take that tetanus shots. I am scared of the fact that I just have to get vaccines before leaving the country! By the way did you get in somewhere already? Are there strikes in Nepal too!
OP zdv 12 / 68  
Jan 3, 2013   #3
Thank you for your feedback. i will be looking at your essay shortly. and yes, Nepal is like the queen of strikes.
moon05 13 / 132  
Jan 3, 2013   #4
Then Remember Bangladesh is the KING of strikes (pseudo name of PURE Rampage!)

Yes please do help me when you can!


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