The Alchemist ; NYU /What intrigues you?

B. What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a film, book, performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its significance to you.

"It's precisely the possibility of making a dream come true that makes life interesting." Lines like this, along with the plot, are what make Paulo Coelho's novel, The Alchemist, such an inspirational story. The Alchemist tells the story of a shepherd boy, Santiago, who has a recurring dream of a child taking him to the Egyptian Pyramids. After a gypsy tells him that this dream is the universe telling him to fulfill his destiny, Santiago embarks on an epic journey to the Egyptian Pyramids in which he gains wisdom, and finds true love and a buried treasure. The Alchemist is a step by step guide on how to use the law which governs success in this universe; the Law of Attraction. I've read about this law in many books but Santiago's journey to the Pyramids was my introduction to the law.

From my freshman year of high school, I dreamed of attaining many leadership roles in my school, but didn't think that I could because I was the new kid and a wallflower. Upon reading The Alchemist during my sophomore year, I was immediately motivated to follow the Law of Attraction. I got out of my comfort zone, surrounded myself with positive people, and became a positive thinker. This allowed me to earn the leadership roles I wanted, such as senior class vice president, Mr. Echo (a community service representative for my school), and many more. I will continue to apply the Law of Attraction to my life and like Santiago, fulfill my destiny, by becoming a successful filmmaker.

I love it! You truly understand the following of your dream-filmmaking with your analogy. GO into depth on why you chose filmmaking and how it plays a role in the quote you chose. Other than that impressive! :)

thank you very much. I shall take your advice and make changes :)

My first question after reading the essay was "What is the Law of Attraction?" Try to put it in the essay (or a summary of it, I've never heard of it) since it is the focus of the essay. I feel like too much time is spent explaining the book; I'd recommend spending less time on the plot of the book (try to give a brief summary, but half of the essay may be too much) and focus more on how it affected you.

I do agree it needs to be more defined on how it affected the writer, but also believe, with the explanation of the book as it is with the explanation of choosing fillmmaking will be a well written essay. The conclusion should include the writer's belief in the quote and her choice. This will give it balance and won't seem lengthy on the explanation of the book overall. Hope that helps :)

I agree that you need to focus more on the Law of Attraction if that's what intrigues you. If you want to talk about the Alchemist because it fits the "piece of literature" requirement in the question, then introduce it, but then say that it's significance is that it led you to the LoA. You can transition better to the second paragraph by briefly explaining the law and then saying that you intended to use it for things in your life.

As others have noticed, You should talk more about the Law of Attraction possibly sacrificing the first two sentences of the plot( which is sort of unnecessary)

Would love help with mine!:)

Hey! I think it's a well written essay...but you never actually said "what intrigues me is..." LOL, maybe just add that in there!

ALRIGHT GUYS HERE'S A REVISED VERSION

"Those who speak most of illness have illness, those who speak most of prosperity have it." According to the Law of Attraction, positive thoughts attract positive rewards, and negative thoughts attract negative results in one's life. Throughout history, many successful men and women have attributed this law for their success; philosophers have discussed this law under many different names. Napoleon Hill named it the Law of Success, Rhonda Byrne named it The Secret, and the list goes on. I first learned about this law after reading Paolo Coelho's novel, The Alchemist, which tells the story of a little boy who goes on an epic journey to the Egyptian Pyramids and uses the Law of Attraction in order to find a buried treasure and fulfill his destiny.

I am an avid believer of this law. No, I don't believe that anyone can just sit back and think positively about being rich and successful and it will happen. But I believe that when combined with hard work, one can achieve his or her full potential and succeed at anything. I believe that regardless of whether or not our minds have a reciprocal relationship with the universe, the Law of Attraction is a key to success because it allows one to remove as much doubt and negativity from their lives as possible and pushes them to surround themselves with positive likeminded people. By doing so, I was able to succeed in my classes and assume the role of senior class vice president, among other leadership roles in my school and community.

The only thing I don't like is the very last sentence. It seems completely out of place, like you wrote your essay and then just decided to tell them "Hey, guess what? I was senior class prez. I'm so impressive." I think your essay would be a lot stronger if you cut that sentence out and wrapped it up in a way that reflects the point you were making throughout the rest of the essay.

Yea I get what you're saying. I'll do that

Good essay overall.
This allowed me to earn the leadership roles I wanted, such as senior class vice president, Mr. Echo (a community service representative for my school), and many more.

Instead of many more, can you put one more specific achievement there? I think that could help set you apart because others might have just said many more as well.