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"American Studies and My World" - Transfer Application Essay



patorooni 4 / 17  
Feb 3, 2011   #1
Hi, I've posted on here before and am very much surprised to find myself here again, a year later. I'm thinking about transferring schools and need help with this prompt. Any help will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Prompt: Statement of Purpose

Essay:

American Studies and My World

Previous to signing up for my first semester classes, I had never even heard of American Studies. The only reason I took an AMST class was because I overslept on the day of course registration and woke up to find that most of my first choice classes were full. After scavenging the course schedule for classes that were open and available to incoming freshmen, I decided on American Politics and Religion. The class seemed like a bad choice on the first day when my professor told us that "this will probably be one of your hardest classes," and even made a point to tell the freshmen in the class that the workload would at times seem overwhelming.

In spite of this, I found myself enjoying the class more than any other; for the first time in my life, I felt that I was studying a subject that I found to be interesting, relevant, and enjoyable. This first hit me towards the beginning of the semester, a few days after I had read some essays on civil religion in America. My friends and I were still new to Washington, DC, and being extremely close to the national mall, we decided to walk around the monuments one Saturday night. As we walked through, I remember looking up at the Lincoln Monument in amazement as I connected it to what I was learning about in class. I excitedly turned to my friends Maggie and David, and, trying not to sound too nerdy, began by saying something to the extent of "Isn't it so weird how being an American is almost a religion with its own values and icons and stuff? This looks like a temple." I then continued to energetically ramble about Jean-Jacques Rousseau's notion of civil religion, Thomas Jefferson's writings, and speeches by Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy, "borrowed" material from my professor's lectures and assigned readings. Maggie and David both responded politely with a few words of agreement, but I could tell that I had bored them.

Looking back on that night reminds me of why the field of American Studies fascinates me - it gives me an immensely deeper understanding of my environment and point of view. A society's culture bleeds through every aspect of life of those living in that society. I have been shaped by the cultural norms of today, those I grew up with, and those that shaped my parents and their forefathers. By providing background information on and reason for the existence of the norms and perspectives I grew up with in America, American Studies brings me into a rich continuum where history, culture, and everyday life converge.

I would like to pursue a major in this field because it will provide me with a more complete perspective on life. Knowledge of the history and development of cultural understandings and happenings adds an extra dimension to the events and phenomena of the present. For this reason, I believe that a background in American Studies will leave me with a more fulfilling and meaningful view on the society I live in.

(END)

Advice? Overall thoughts on the essay? Corrections? Like I said, anything would be appreciated.
Also, is it alright that I ended the last sentence with a preposition? I thought about changing it to "the society in which I live," but it just seemed awkward. Let me know if you think differently.

John Cena - / 1  
Feb 3, 2011   #2
This 500-word application essay becomes the bases for the acceptance and rejection, as it is the only way admission officers can judge the worth of the applicant. It is very natural to feel concerned at this stage; standing out in a crowd is not an easy task and thus calls for extra care and preparation. But what ever the case may be, let not the essay stress you out, be very playful to gain utmost.
EF_Susan - / 2310  
Feb 10, 2011   #3
I've posted on here before and am very much surprised to find myself here again, a year later.

Hi Patorooni, we are lucky to have you back!

I think the word prior is better than previous for that first sentence.

...because I overslept on the day of course registration and woke up to find that most of my first choice classes were full. ---ha ha, very engaging and interesting... okay, I am paying attention.

Get rid of that, and add a comma:
... my professor told us, that "T his will probably be one of your hardest classes," and even made a point to...

I excitedly turned to my friends Maggie and David, and, trying not to sound too nerdy, began by saying something to the extent of, "Isn't it so ...---I added a comma before the dialogue, but more importantly I wanted to tell you that you seem to have excellent command of grammar. Read Strunk and White to reinforce what you know.

And here I think you are looking for the word perspective:
...a more fulfilling and meaningful view perspective on the society I live in.

This is excellent. But.. can you give a few more sentences to help the reader know how American Studies and this transfer will fit with your overall, long term plan?

:-)


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