Another late night at the hospital. Constructive Advice Needed on Nursing Program Entrance Essay

The lessons we learn from challenges are fundamental to later success. Describe a challenging situation you experienced. How will you apply what you learned from the experience to nursing. (PROMPT)

I get home from another late night at the hospital. I finish my homework, continue my research on possible careers, and hopefully get a few hours of rest before school the next morning. My aunt had been diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder (schizophrenia and bipolar manic depression) a few years prior to her death. She was constantly in and out of hospitals, noncompliant with her prescription medications, and relied on my family to care for her. Since her prescription medications made her feel groggy, she began to self-medicate with heroin. Watching this happen to a loved one was extremely painful for my whole family. With juggling high school, caring for my aunt, doing my best to comfort myself and my family, and having to decide what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, it all seemed so overwhelming but I always remained calm. I learned how to manage my time and found ways to cope with stress. This painful time in my life lead to me the decision to major in Nursing. I truly feel that my purpose is to care for the sick and comfort them and their families. Although it was difficult, caring for my suffering aunt gave me an indescribable feeling. Being able to apply my compassion in such a way gave me a sense of well-being and worth; I felt complete. As a nurse I will get stressed out, I will have late nights, but I will look back and realize that it was all worth it. This challenging time in my life put me on the path to a rewarding career and I could not be more thankful for it.

Chloe, what is the maximum word count for this essay? Your work seems quite rushed and unfocused at this point. Were you paying more attention to keeping within the word limit rather than the content of the essay? It seems like that is what you were doing in this draft. Anyway, the essay can be better focused if you apply certain specific changes to the essay. BTW, are you already a nurse? Or do you work in a hospital in some capacity? Let me know what your hospital background is because we might be able to integrate it as an important part of this response.

So, back to the specific changes. Skip the first 2 sentences that describe your activities after getting home from the hospital. That is irrelevant to the presentation. The main focus should be on your aunt and how you cared for her because that is the experience that you are bringing to the table as a future nurse. Explain how you ended up taking care of her. Skip the part about you being in high school. Just focus on how you dealt with the caregiver situation and why you had to handle it that way. Don't mention the family anymore. They are not the focus of the essay. In fact, the only reason that I am allowing you to present your aunt in the story is because the lessons you learned tie in directly to your role as a caretaker for her.

The rest of the essay that relates to the discussion of compassion and caring for the sick is exactly the kind of response that fits with this essay prompt so keep all of those parts. Just edit the aforementioned portions which, I believe will help you develop a more focused and applicable response.