UC app. prompt#1 "My parents"

Describe the world you comefrom- for example, your family, community ir school- and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations

From my younger years, I was rather a timid figure who found it quite difficult to engage in active socialization. I was a seemingly ordinary kid who seemed to possess no special talents, and always associated myself with a small circle of friends with which I had intimate relationships. Naturally, I became reluctant to convey my thoughts effectively to large crowd of people due to the fear of failure. However, despite my reclusive personality, my family, especially my parents, spoke faith into me and became a vital source of encouragement. They urged me to participate in various activities and processes that would provide me with a wide range of opportunities. Initially, despite my parents' endeavor to make me a gregarious, confident character, I remained reluctant to change.

However, from the time I immigrated to new country, I was forced to change my frame of mind. In my home country, I was able to cover myself under the protection of my parents and could ask for their help even when minor difficulties occurred. Here, however, it was not so. I had to be a pioneer who must carve his way into an unfamiliar society. I could no longer depend on my family for help, or on anyone other than myself. Thankfully, my parents did not fail to express their faith in me, and did not fail to call me on a daily basis. As I was encouraged by their words, I gradually became a more sociable character who could approach others with ease.

As I was adjusting myself to this new, unfamiliar community, our family was deeply struck by a disaster. My father's hospital was set ablaze due to a minor mistake of an employee, and to make things worse, the hospital had no insurance coverage. Although our major source of income was annihilated, my parents did not cease to remain in faith that they will recover from the disaster. They set up another hospital nearby, and worked relentlessly to support our family. Despite their circumstances, they were able to stand up again.

This incident also shocked me to an extreme degree. Let alone the incident, I was surprised by the reactions of my parents who refused to give up their hopes of success. From that time on, I tried consistently to follow the perfect embodiment of positive mindset that my parents showed me through direct actions. Every time I felt as though I could stand no longer, my parents' endless endeavor came to me as a propellant that drove me through my difficulties. I felt my debt to parents for their unconditional love and support regardless of my reluctance.

Any useful comment?
Please feel free to express opinions that would better the essay
Thank you so much :)

What are your aspirations? How have your family's experiences influenced them? You don't seem to have addressed this part of the prompt at all. Perhaps you could cut out most or all of the first paragraph to make room to do so, as the first paragraph doesn't really say much good about you, and these sorts of essays always should say good things about you.

you don't really answer the prompt; you talk about your family, but you don't relate that to your dreams and aspirations. So you try to embody your parents positive mindset, how is that going to affect your future? How does that shape your goals?

This should be 'emigrated.' It's the difference between coming and going.


Unfortunately, no one ever speaks this way. It sounds stilted and artificial, like you were looking for some snappy way to say something simple. But in my experience, simple is always better in these essays. Always try to be clear and direct.

you talked about your family but how does that relate to "how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations"

Thank You all for your comments
i ll try to revise my essay as you guys directed