I was wondering if you could help me and tell me if the content is good? I think it is okay but I'm not completely sure. Plus it is 56 words more than it is supposed to be. But keep in mind that this is my very first draft, I just wrote it for the first time today and I know it needs some revising. Here it is:
The Florida State University motto is "Vires, Artes, Mores" which literally translates into "strength," "skill," and "character." I believe that I possess all three of these things that make me a true Florida State Seminole. I have strength and I have skill and I have character. But not each concept stands on its own, its all three together that make me the person I am today, fighting for what I want more than anything, which is to become a part of the Florida State family.
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Good evening.
I looked at the second essay and edited it here because your editing process is
I have the strength to form my own opinions and ideas and to think on my own but that is also a big part of my "Mores" and who I am. "Vires" is strength, because I fight for what I think is right even if it is not the most popular. I do not let other people influence me negatively, and face it, in high school that is a very hard thing to overcome. I have the strength to stand up for what I believe in and to say "no" where it is needed, which also plays into "Mores." Physically, I am not strong at all but I do have the strength to push myself further, whether I am just working out at the gym or trying my hardest in school to succeed and get to where I want to go, which is to FSU and to become a broadcast j ournalist. These last three years of high school have been leading up to this year, senior year, where I get everything ready and organized for college. I have taken challenging courses throughout high school and this year alone I am taking four AP courses and two honors courses. The strength it has taken me to achieve these things has been more than I knew I had. "Mores" is character, because I am motivated in everything I do; to read that goal that I have been working so hard to succeed in. Whether it is to accomplish a good grade or help out wish a club I am involved in. I love being an active member in every club I participate in. Throughout high school I have been a part of no less than ten clubs, whenever any of them have done a project or community service I work hard to finish whatever task I have started.
I have been hearing the question "What do you want to do with your life?" far more often lately than I used to, and I always reply with "I really want to go into b roadcast j ournalism." To become a news reporter has been a dream of mine for the past two or so years and I have been in television production since my sophomore year and on my school's morning announcement team since junior year. This is where "Artes" enters into my life. It takes skill to be in TV production, not just a pretty face; a person has to be confident, which I am. And I am tired of hearing from people that news anchors and reports have no brains because that is most certainly not true. News is going out and finding it, not just repeating what someone else has researched and typed up. To go out and seek information in the news involves good people skills. I have the ability to work with others in a friendly environment and I never dominate and take over when I am working with a group of people. I have the ability to step up and become a leader when it is needed and I am good at taking charge without overshadowing other group members.
Although I had never heard the Latin words "Vires," "Artes," and "Mores" before writing this essay, I had heard the words "strength," "skill," and "character," but even though I have heard of them, I have never actually sat and thought about how each applied to me. Now that I have done that I realize that those three little words, the FSU motto, play a big part in my life. I realize even more that I really do belong in the world of the Seminoles at Florida State University."
Nice work. A few mechanical errors, but overall I like this one better. Good job!