PLEASE HELP ME WITH THE ORGANIZATION, I FEEL LIKE IT IS OUT OF ORDER. FEEDBACKS WOULD ALSO BE NICE! :D
Tell us why you decided to apply to the University of Wisconsin-Madison.
In addition, please include why you are interested in studying the major(s) you have selected. If you selected undecided please describe your areas of possible academic interest. (650 words)
I grew up in a six-person household where the channels on our television never left the Chinese drama station, and the air was always filled with the aroma of Chinese food. But as soon as I left home, I'd go to a standard suburban elementary school and play on the playground like any other American kid. So as a first-generation Chinese American, I grew up in a unique situation that I love and despise.
Being a first-generation immigrant is a dream come true. I'm fortunate to have the best of both worlds. But I despise it. It binds me to the continuing challenge of living up to immigrant parents' high expectations. How could I despise the part of myself that I adored?
My parents put me under a lot of academic pressure when I was growing up, as they expected me to bring home only A's on my report card. My entire academic career was built on their expectations. I treasured them, but I couldn't take the pressure. The stress was eating me alive, yet I kept working hard in silence.
Now that I'm mature enough to grasp my parents' perspective, I realize that they set these lofty goals in the hopes that one day, all of the hardships and challenges they endured to get to America will be repaid. Since then, I've surmounted my parents' high expectations by channeling their pressure into a blaze of desire and motivation that has been profoundly imprinted in my mindset.
My intellectual motivation has always been fueled by my strong desire to achieve in America as a first-generation immigrant. As the first person in my family to attend college in the United States, I've made it my life's ambition to excel academically in the name of my family - a decision I made.
What struck me the most about UW-Madison is its ability to retain consistency despite a diverse student body in terms of interests, ethnicity, and viewpoints. There aren't many colleges where I'd be friends with artists, filmmakers, future CEOs, scientists, photographers, and writers. Although they are all from different schools, they share cultural identities. Being surrounded by a strong sense of Badger pride and an ambitious attitude would inspire and motivate me. With a diverse class selection and a beautiful community, being a badger will provide me with the opportunity to develop the skills I need to make my ambition a reality.
My fascination with biochemistry began when my grandmother started to show symptoms of sickle cell anemia. Rather than curing the disease, she took treatments like morphine and codeine to alleviate her symptoms. She seemed perfectly normal hours later; this intrigued me, and I pondered how these medications had worked so swiftly. I'm fascinated by the concept of pain, eager to learn more about the mechanisms that cause us to feel pain and how medications are meant to block these pathways.
As a badger, I want to join ASBMB and REU to help others with my knowledge. I want to get an internship to obtain valuable experience and expertise, as I am aware that UW-Madison has one of the best medical programs in the country. I can already feel the excitement in the air as I wear the iconic red badger shirt and do the wave to support the badgers in the Camp Randall Stadium. I can see myself having supper at Memorial Union and enjoying the sunset over Lake Mendota with new people I'd meet.
I studied Chinese culture for seven years in China. At UW-Madison, I can not only share my cultural heritage with students from Wisconsin and other places, but I can also assist other Chinese international students in navigating the Madison environment and making them feel at ease. I would love to learn about other international students' backgrounds while bringing them around UW-Madison and exhibiting the beauty of Chinese culture and history.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 12,303 3989
This essay only focuses on the prompt requirement starting from paragraph 5-9. The complete first half of the presentation is irrelevant. You are not writing a personal statement, which is what the focus of the first paragraphs were. You were given a direct prompt to respond to. The target of the discussion should not stray from that subject. You can revise the current presentation by refocusing the discussion on the aforementioned paragraphs, further developing your explanations in those sections to help convince the reviewer that you have been a long admirer of UW, not necessarily UW-Madison. Try to represent your interest in terms of notable medical names that came from the school as your inspiration and reason for your desire to attend the university. You can use the earlier half of the essay in a different prompt, if needed. Otherwise, it is safe to delete those sections totally.