Applying to the Trinity College of Arts and Sciences as a first year applicant - why Duke

Hi Everyone.
This is my Duke's supplement essay.
Any feedback is highly appreciated.
Thanks in advance.

Question: If you are applying to the Trinity College of Arts and Sciences as a first year applicant, please discuss why you consider Duke a good match for you. Is there something particular about Duke that attracts you?

(limit your response to no more than 150 words.)

My Response:

Duke's Trinity college attracts me for its excellent academics in natural sciences. For as long as I know, mathematics is always my first choice and Duke is my dreamt destination to explore hidden magic of numbers.

For student like me, hands on learning is the key to success and with low faculty to student ratio, Duke gives chance for hands on learning and teamwork. Apart from education, Duke has limitless opportunities for research works which would provide me a better way to learn, explore and advance in mathematics. I want to avail Duke's Engage program, Program II and get linked with institutions like "samsi" to foster my education, implement what I have learned and explore further what I have imagined. The encouragement for originality and intellectual freedom at Duke is remarkable and I am excited to jump into the myriad of opportunities available at Duke's Trinity School of Arts and Science.

For as long as I remember *(rephrase..cliche), mathematics is always my first choice ...
For the student like me *(reword this destroys your intention of you demonstrating your uniqueness) , hands on learning is the key to success and with low faculty to student ratio *(why is hands on learning important to you), Duke gives a chance for hands on learning *( you already stated this, in this short essay, be cautious on only stating things once) and teamwork *(how?). Apart from education, Duke has *(provides) limits opportunities for research works...

I want to *(i am certain i will...sound confident in what you say) avail Duke's Engage program, Program II and get linked with institutions like "samsi " (???) to foster my education, implement ...

The encouragement for originality and intellectual freedom at Duke is remarkable and I am excited to jump into the myriad of opportunities available at Duke's Trinity School of Arts and Science. *(how would dukes qualities help you give back to the duke community?)

****change passive (is, would, have, ..etc) to active voice...you can do this by switching the order of the sentence and eliminating the word, replacing the word...for example: works which would provide...works which provides

**reword the second sentence
***** make sure to describe how you will benefit from duke and how duke will benefit from you
**can you please read my essay for the common application?

Jiwan, the essay indicates that you need to explain why Duke is a good match for you as a student. So, you should be doing a comparison of your skills as a student and then, relate it to a particular program at Duke. I know that you only have 150 words to express yourself with so you need to be specific when it comes to this discussion. It seems impossible to do but, if you know what you have to do, it is possible to accomplish this.

The first thing that you have to do is look for the strongest personal reason that you feel you are a perfect match for a Duke education. Be it simply one of their programs, or subject offered, make sure that it aligns with your personal quest for knowledge and the idea that you have for your future career. In other words, discuss only 2 points. Why you chose Duke and what it is about you that you feel will be able to excel in that particular educational aspect of Duke.

Currently, you just discuss why you feel Duke is a perfect fit for you without letting the reviewer know how it applies to your personality, academic goals, or career ambitions. You need to make that relationship clear in your 150 word statement so that you can show a related response to the prompt. Don't worry about going over 150 words. You are still writing your draft response. We can help you bring down the word count the minute your essay is deemed to be in its final form :-)