Applying in Turkish Universities, expectation from studying in Turkey and express the future plans

Hello, I'm planning to apply Turkish scholarship and got this prompt
Please explain your expectation from studying in Turkey and express your future plans (1000 characters)

I had written the answer. Would you mind editing it? Thank you ^_^

Turkey means new opportunities

Studying in Turkey would give me the opportunity to learn in a better educational environment. Because, the knowledge comes from anywhere. This is in line with the geographical location of Turkey which is located on two continents, Asia and Europe. The multicultural environment will give me many different types of colleagues and will build me to be a person with a lot of tolerance and who is more sociable. Moreover, journalism requires not only extensive knowledge but also the ability to speak a foreign language. Therefore, I can improve my linguistic skills by learning to speak Turkish and it will be very helpful for me.

After I graduate, I'm not just going to be a journalist; I'll also build a publishing house; I'll build a reading public park in Indonesia, and everyday there will be beneficial activities such as story writing training, training to be a young reporter and journalist in Turkey, and other useful social activities. In addition, I'll also teach Indonesian and local languages, especially Java to the Turkish people so they will be more confident in communicating with Indonesian people when they travel to Indonesia someday.

Alinda, your response is good. However, it requires editing. Remember that you cannot start an academic response with the word "Because". You need to adjust the sentence in order to make it more professionally acceptable by removing the aforementioned word from the sentence. You can also remove the reference to the location of Turkey on the map. That is irrelevant to the reasons as to what you expect to learn by studying in Turkey. The multicultural environment sentence should be developed further by having you express what it is that you want to learn from the various races that live in Turkey. Make sure to define how you plan to gain these lessons apart from attending school and interacting with your classmates. The rest of the essay, specifically the second paragraph is good. However, you need to clarify how you plan to teach others how to speak Java after you complete the course. It is hard to imagine how you can do this after graduating because you won't have much of a chance to mingle with the Turks after you graduate as you will be returning home. Clarify that portion.