Choose someone, fictional or nonfictional, historical or contemporary, whom you consider to be a leader. Suppose you are this person's primary advisor. How would you advise this person and why?
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I'm also wondering whether I should add another sentence at the end
Once every four years I bleed blue and white. It is my birthright, accorded to me by my Argentinean upbringing. For four weeks during the World Cup my life is dominated by La Seleccion, the Argentinian national soccer team, and I watch with deep affection as Lionel Messi, the tiny Argentine dynamo, lights up the pitch with his dazzling footwork and mazy dribbles.
At only 23 years old, Messi has already won nearly every individual award there is to be won. It's not his silverware though that inspires me, or the reason why my walls are plastered with pictures of him in action. My respect for his talent is outclassed by my respect for his humility and grace.
And yet I'm not quite sure that humility and grace are enough to be an effective leader.
In this year's tournament, in a group match against Greece, Messi wore the Argentina captain's armband for the first time. For the first time, la Pulga (a.k.a the Flea) got to show whether he had the chops to lead Argentina to World Cup gold glory.
In short, the answer was no. I won't go into the tactical details because I'm still a little traumatized by our side's devastating loss to Germany in the quarter-finals. Suffice to say that the team got carried away by their early success and so neglected to make improvements to their weaknesses. Therefore, the advice I would give to Messi is one of my personal mottos, and one that I use in my capacity as the leader of our school's Cappies program: success is never final, failure is never fatal, and courage always counts.
As Cappies critics we go to see plays performed by students at high schools around the city and review them. For each performance, one review is selected to be published in the newspaper. While Messi's responsibility as captain is to help his teammates win games, as Lead Critic it is my responsibility to help my team get their articles published.
If one of our critics' reviews is chosen we celebrate their achievement, but I remind them that success is never final; I still go over their review with them and we make improvements to their writing style. For those whose articles were not published I remind them that failure is never fatal; we go over their reviews as well to develop their skills before they write their next one. And of course, courage always counts; in the same way I would suggest to Messi that he take more risks on the pitch as an example to his teammates, I encourage my teammates to take chances with their writing, and have fun with their work.
Pose the final sentence of paragraph 3 as a question so that "In short the answer was no" fits better.
You did a great job tying this essay to something personal, i.e. reviewing film which makes it very personal.
I love your personal motto. I'm going to memorize it!
I never knew about the Cappies program. It's very interesting!
I think you should definitely add a final sentence at the end. You expanded each section of your motto, and having a final sentence that sum up your point will make your essay stronger.
Also, could you maybe elaborate on Messi wearing the captain's armband thing? I don't exactly see why it's mentioned.. Is it to provide an example for Messi's humility and grace?
Being a Cappies critic, you must be great at writing. Well, your essay testifies to it. I'm the "kerazy kid" whose essay you just commented on, and I agree with you my essay is way too long! It's stressing me out. I'll work on abridging it, can you look at it again after I work on it?
Thanks!
Haha sure I'd be happy to! If you post it again I'll keep an eye out for it. Thanks for the feedback!
Your personal motto is pretty great, but this essay is supposed to focus more on you. A common mistake that many people make is they take an essay that is supposed to include someone they admire, and talk about that person way too much. Remember that you want to admitted, not your idol. If you feel that you have a good balance, then that's okay. I just felt like I learned more about Messi than I did about you.
Good luck to you!
Definitely try and put your personal motto at the end of the essay - or reinforce it. You want to end strongly, and to give colleges the idea that you are determined, so reflect that. I'm also a tad confused as to what this essay is actually about. You jump the World Cup to the Cappies right in the middle, so I'm not really sure what you're trying to say. You're a great writer. Find that one focus, and you're golden.
Good luck! :)
