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Art Institute of Las Vegas Admission Essay ~ I need help making it shorter.



D1Nonlyxbobaa 1 / 1  
Mar 20, 2010   #1
For the past few weeks in my Composition class, we had to write a college admission essay to the school of our choice. I choose Art Institute of Las Vegas.

My teacher gave us guidelines for a well written essay such as showing them about your experience rather than telling, not using too many 'I's, structure, & etc.

The Art Institute of Las Vegas Applicant Essay requires an organized & focused paragraph that is approximately 150 words.
Also, the question that has to be answered is How do you expect your education at The Art Institute of Las Vegas to help you attain your career goals?

For the assignment, she said not to worry about it being approximately 150 words and that we'll work on making it shorter when it's time to send it to the school.

My final essay is 3 paragraphs containing about 350 words. (>___<) Wayyyy too long!
I like the image that I created with the word choice & the idea, but I need help creating the same image while making it shorter. Also, I'm not sure if it answers the admission prompt.

Please give me some feedback. (^__^)

---------------------------

I just signed up for MySpace and I am absolutely clueless on how to do anything. I decided to browse my friends site to get some kind of inspiration. Everyone who was used to the online world had such colorful and creative profiles. Each one so different, yet so eye catching. So, I tried impersonating the designs that was seen with my unique personality. If I was going to make my own, some of my flare would have to go in it, right? Having no idea on how to make something that seemed so out of this world, I would stay up night after night reading pages of tutorials. Trying to teach myself thing I thought was impossible. Soon enough, I had my own layout and graphic site, taking and personalizing peoples request. I cannot believe I was the one person who people would want to go to for my ability.

After almost a year after launching my site, I realized how much I love expressing my thoughts onto the blank canvas. Loving how I could change such a plain canvas to a colorful piece of art or how an ordinary picture from the park that was taken on a sunny day can be changed to a beautiful rainy day. However, it seem like I was limited on what can be done, no matter how much tutorials I read night after night. Though I was limited, I was certain this was something I want to continue doing.

Soon, I started seeing commercials for an art school right here in Las Vegas. Ever since, it has been my dream to attend The Art Institute of Las Vegas. It'll give me a better understanding of Graphic Design in a different view. Only knowing it in a hobby aspect, it will not help me out in a way where I can apply it in the work force. Attending Ai, it would further my artistic abilities and give me a wider range where I can apply it in advertising, web layouts, magazines, or any design aspect. Having already challenged myself with what use to seem impossible, I'm up for any challenge to do what has always been a passion of mine.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Mar 20, 2010   #2
I just signed up for MySpace and I am absolutely clueless about how to do anything. I decided to browse my friend's site to get some kind of inspiration. Everyone who was used to the ... good descriptions! I like it...

So, I tried impersonating the designs that was seen as I saw them with my unique personality. If I was going to make my own, some of my flare would have to go in it, right? Having no idea on about how to make something that...

I was trying to teach myself things I thought wer e impossible.

... and personalizing people 's requests.

I could not believe I was the one person who people would want to go to for my ability.

After Almost a year after launching my site, I realized ...
Excellent!! You are doing very well. Come up with a THEME for the essay, an idea that will linger in the reader's mind. Express that theme near the end of the first paragraph if you can, as a way of introducing the main idea of the essay.

:-)
OP D1Nonlyxbobaa 1 / 1  
Mar 20, 2010   #3
EF_Kevin

Thank you for the feedback.
But I still need help making it shorter & do you think my essay answers the prompt?
aarynj 2 / 2  
Mar 21, 2010   #4
Try to focus solely on what they want and write your paper keeping in mind their perspective of what you think they are seeking in this essay.


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