Thinking over and over again about my plans after high school, I want to go to a school that is far away from my home. I learned that if I stay in California, I will not get the experience I need to get to become an adult. Randy Paush once said, "Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." I need a experience that help me get connection from different places and I want to prove my parents that I am mature enough to handle my life by myself. I want to change my life by going to a place where I make my own choices and be responsible to take of my own business. Also I want to open myself to experience culture and taste of living in east coast. My parents believe that their motivation will help me to become a successful person. I believe a successful person needs to be independent and be able to take his or her can responsible. I want to be independent and discover the reality that I have always wanted to discover. Although there are colleges in California that can shape my life, I will not be successful in east coast. I want to start my job at east coast. East coast is the heart of art, which is why I want to start my career in east coast.
Carnegie Mellon is my dream school. I want to attend the College of Fine Arts. What makes me want to apply to Carnegie Mellon is Andy Warhol,one of my favorite artist, is a notable alumni. Also, I always wanted to live in Pittsburgh and work there to start my future.I was inspired by Andy Warhol's life and his works. I want to be an artist who has a unique style that creates an icon that changes the arts and culture in America. My goal is to be one of the most influential artists in the 21st century. I believe in myself that I can be a better artist than Andy Warhol. Also, Randy Pausch, professor of computer science and design , taught me a life lesson to be successful in life. He said,"The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something." I bump onto the "brick walls" so many times and I will continue to go against the wall until it is the time that I am worthy enough to achieve my childhood dreams. Henry Hornbostel the first dean Carnegie Architecture, design the buildings especially College of Fine Arts is very structured and well built. Not only it was well built, each buildings has meaning that motivates students to work hard. I want to go to a building that give me a strong message to me. My art will shape the world that people creates arts that promotes peace and end poverty in America. I want to reflect the feeling of art to be emotional and peaceful. Also,I want to become a role model for the young people in America. Inspire by me to be motivate and creative.
Art is my passion and I want to pursue instead my passion. I believe that one day I will be a great artist because I am passionate to create art works. I work hard what I want to do. My heart is in my work. It is my dream to become an artist and I want my dream to come true. I am creative and able to create new ideas in seconds. I am so eager to share my ideas to change the world. I want to create and build a projectile screen that can help people to create motion, action, or draw. So there are more artists in the future. Also, present new products to promote customers to buy the product, which help run the economy. Ever since I was young I was create something that came through my imagination. I know that imaginations are not true, but I want to make my imagination come true so I want to make my work show my imagination. My desire is to create a message about the environmental problems brings people to change their habits to start to be conservative and be clean for the environment. The most unique thing that was for me was walking on the streets that have different types of transportation and a city life that was never seen before.
Hello!
I think your essay is off to a great start, but there are some things that can be fixed!
Throughout the essay, you talk about what you want. So this quote, in my opinion, contradicts your entire essay: Randy Paush once said, "Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."
"I need a experience that will help me..."
"I want to start my job at east coast. East coast is the heart of art, which is why I want to start my career in east coast." These two sentences are redundant. You could combine them into something like this: "I want to start my career in the east coast, the very heart of art."
"Although there are colleges in California that can shape my life, I will not be successful in east coast." Did you mean west coast ?
The meaning of many of the sentences are diluted because of the strange wording, for example:
- Henry Hornbostel the first dean Carnegie Architecture, design the buildings especially College of Fine Arts is very structured and well built.
- Art is my passion and I want to pursue instead my passion
Also, I'm not quite sure what you meant by this sentence: "Not only it was well built, each buildings has meaning that motivates students to work hard."
Overall, you answered the prompt correctly, but I believe that your answers could be presented in a much more coherent essay. Find some way to connect your desire to study/live in the east coast, your fascination with the works of Andy Warhol (and how he has inspired you), and your aspirations and you'll be well on your way!
Good luck!
