Physics Researcher Career
My ultimate goal in life is to become a physics researcher. As I have searched for schools that would provide me with me with the education to become one, the best university that I have found is Carnegie Mellon. I have decided to apply to the College of Science because not only does it provide a great education in physics, it also has a great research program that I would love to be a part of. I have also decided to apply to the Carnegie Mellon College of Computer Science because I believe that learning computer science is a great supplement to learning physics because it could help me conduct research in physics. I feel that there is no other school that can provide an excellent education in physics and computer science while providing me with the research experience I need to become a physics researcher.
My interest in physics and mathematics stems from my eagerness to understand how the world works. When I was in elementary and middle school I always watched programs about science and the universe, however the shows always left me with more questions than answers. To learn more about the universe I read books such as "A Brief History of time," however just like the television programs, the books left me with many questions that went unanswered. In high school I decided to take AP Physics C and AB/BC calculus to fill in the gaps that the shows and books couldn't. I was enthralled by class. It was the first time I took a class that actually explained certain topics about our universe in great detail. Finally, many of my questions about mechanics and electricity were answered. It was also the first time I was able to use my math skills and apply it to something tangible. I created circuits and parallel spring systems and I was able to predict, with math, what would happen at the end of an experiment. I was amazed by how math could be used to model the world we live in. While I found the class very informative, I still had many questions. I want to learn about more advanced topics like quantum mechanics and general relativity, however there is no way I can learn about these topics at a high school. To learn these things I have to have a university level education, and this has caused me to apply to the Carnegie Mellon College of Science. I would get a great education at the College of Science because many people there are conducting research in physics and to be taught by somebody who is helping define the universe would give me a better, more in depth understanding of physics.
My other interest is computer science. While computers are an entertainment and communication medium for most people, I see computers as devices that can solve problems and help pave the way for further advancements in science. The ability to simulate events in the universe allows researchers to gain insight about phenomena that they cannot observe easily, such as supernovas or how a virus spreads over time. I feel that learning computer science is a great supplement to learning physics because I could make programs that help me research certain areas of physics and learn more about physics. To learn a bit of computer science I took an AP computer science course that involved learning Java. The class was challenging, however it was also a thrill. The programs I had to create were usually quite tedious, but the feeling of satisfaction I got after making the programs washed away any frustrations I had accrued when I was making them. Even though I learned a great deal about computer science, I feel that it isn't enough. For me to actually be able to use a computer to help me research topics in physics, I need to learn more. This drive to learn more about computer science has motivated me to apply to the Carnegie Mellon College of Computer Science and learn how to use computer science to help me conduct research in the future.
i feel that the main problem with this essay is that i don't know how to start it. i explained why i like physics and comp sci, but i dont feel like i wrote enough about why i chose Carnegie Mellon. any help will be greatly appreciated and thanx in advanceI think you really have the right idea in terms of not writing enough about why you chose CM. I'm writing this same essay now and I'm using specific details and key points in there mission statement to answer precisely why I chose CM. Also you should probs elaborate a little more on what you want to do in the future rather than just be a physics researcher. I mean you could be a theoretical physicist an astrophysicist etc. Just go into a little more detail. You kind of have this non chalant tone that gives the impression that since you wanted to learn more about physics etc you needed to go to a Uni and you just figured, well why not CM? Your not making it seem like you find anything special about CM.
I really struggled with starting this essay also but I found that asking myself the questions in the prompt and answering those completely honestly in my head made it significantly easier to move forward with a sort of plan for what I wanted to say.
I'm sorry I don't have the time to go through them right now but you should get someone (parent etc.) to read your paper out loud or read it slowly out loud to yourself because there are significant grammatical errors present.
Good luck!
My ultimate goal in life is to become a physics researcher.
Not specific enough. You already are a physics researcher. Your goal consists of more than this, and in your studies you probably have found some direction... some special area of interest.
providing me with the research experience I need to become a physics researcher.---Yeah, you are not thinking big enough. Anyone can be a researcher, but a special person is proactive in research, develops several specific interests, and has some very interesting short term goals.
Try to identify one theme that you keep from beginning to end of the essay. :-)
Hey there!
Let me start by saying that your essay really does show that you are passionate about being a CIE, and that that amount of space you have devoted to explaining why you like the college is pretty much good right there. There aren't any spelling issues or grammar problems either. And, while you may not yet have a good 'hook' for your opener, that's relatively simple.
In my preference, a good first person narrative voice sets things in motion with minimal effort and tends to yield a highly appealing hook. If you have any autobiographies, take a look at them to see how they start. Try something that isn't necessarily about you, but about the field of physics.
Finally, the last piece of advice I would give is to add some more voice into your paper. Frequently using 'I' and 'me' can leave the reader bored and disinterested.
Hope that helps, good luck with your studies!
Cameron
